May I Call This a Memoir?

{1} M

12:41 am

I'm not going to lie: it hurt like hell. At that time in my life, everything seemed so unfair and I didn't know why I deserved for that to happen to me. You see, he hurt me badly and he never even realized it. I remember the hell that he put me through for months and months. I couldn't deal with it, it tore me apart. This was my first heartbreak and after that I never wanted to experience that kind of pain again. I remember crying a lot and it wasn't quiet weeps either, no, it was that type of crying where you're trying to catch your breath, but you try and you try, but, you can't succeed. It was like that for a while. My mother told me that his leaving for a month or so would help me get over him while he was gone, but that was so far from the truth. 

He broke up with me beforehand and I remember that I had to go to school the next week. I remember zero getting over him. There were constant thoughts about him and I was continually thinking of things that I wanted to say to him and how badly I wanted to get back together with him. I never got over him, I only missed him. 

When he came back, I felt my heart drop to my stomach. There I was, staring at the one person who mattered most to me, but there was no such return of those feelings. I was completely alone.

Of course, back then, I had two friends, a boy and a girl. They tried to help me, but that was pretty hard to do when they were secretly infatuated with each other. So, then again, I way alone and nobody understood what I was going through. I fell into a depression, it lasted a few months, but I didn't know it was a depression, I just assumed that that was the heartbreak. Then, I realized that heartbreak isn't supposed to hurt this much and I could never forgive him for doing this terrible harm on me. 

One year later, I was better, so much better. I mean, both my friends left me, but I'm pretty sure I was better off without them anyways. The more important thing is that I eventually stopped thinking about him all together, but I still hadn't forgiven him for what he had done. Y'know, I don't think that he ever really did understand what he did to me, no because he didn't see any of it. He never saw me cry, I would always go off somewhere where no one could see me.

 He was oblivious of the fact that he ruined me and I hated him for that. 

—BWS❄️