May I Call This a Memoir?

{8} P

I remember the way she told me that my crying was a foreign sight. I knew it was, at least for her and most other people around me. I hate crying. In a moment where you feel completely helpless and no one can help you, not even you can help you. You lose control in that moment. Often, you can't control the way you feel, it's just the way we are. Humans are supposed to feel things. Why? I have absolutely no idea. Perhaps it's a learning mechanism, for us to grow as people and become stronger. Sounds about right, doesn't it? Apparently, the only way for us to not feel the horrific pain of events in our lives is to feel that feeling first and then, perhaps, it won't hurt as much as the next time.

It's interesting the way humans react to emotional and physical pain, mostly because they're so different, but also the same. Let me explain: physical pain is inflicted by our own actions and the actions of other people around us. Of course, there's the odd time when a tree falls on you and all you can blame is mother nature. Physical pain can't be helped, it's nearly impossible. There's a genetic disorder called Congenital insensitivity to pain. It makes it so that you can't feel physical pain. Of course, at a first thought, not being able to feel pain sounds pretty wonderful, doesn't it? That is until it kills you. Pain causes the brain to retract your actions and that's why getting burned hurts, because after that, you knew you wouldn't touch that hot burner. Then, there's emotional pain, except with emotional pain, there is no condition that can make you unable to feel things, at least as far as I know. Emotional pain is physical pain, you can feel it everywhere. You feel it in your head, your stomach and the way your hands shake contributes to the emotional pain. In some ways, it's much worse than physical pain because most of the time that pain goes away with some medication and eventually you heal. You can't fix emotional pain with morphine, although many people will argue that drugs and alcohol will fix your problems, that is until it wears off.

I believe that eventually the emotional pain passes, it doesn't hurt forever. At the time, we all think it does. We think we're going to be stuck this way forever. We think that all we ever knew was pain. But, this is all just in the moment. You feel like you're going to die and no one can resuscitate you. You feel like that's it for you, like that's the end. It's the moment, it does that to you. Eventually, you feel better. Slowly, you forget who hurt you and even, sometimes, you forgive them. Pain is a part of life, most of us are strong. Most of us get through it and move on to a place of happiness. Of course, there's the tragedy of others, others who didn't make it, but should of.

—BWS❄️