New Beginnings

Chapter Sixteen

<Normani POV>

Lauren had been crying in Normani's lap for about 30 minutes now and Normani had no idea why except that it had something to do with Connor. She had run into him in the hallway and he looked a mess and pretty bummed himself so she was really confused about what happened. She didn't bother pressing Lauren for info while she was crying so she figured she'd comfort her by running her hand through the pale girl's dark hair.

Eventually the crying stopped and Lauren sat up wiping her eyes. She looked up at the brown-eyed girl who had been so patiently comforting her without asking questions. "Why do I always fuck things up?" Lauren asked.

Normani wiped some of the tears from Lauren's face, "you don't fuck everything up Lauren. But you can't expect me to give you a good answer if you don't tell me what happened."

Lauren knew she was being dramatic but she was really confused right now. She was embarrassed that she was crying all because a boy told her he loved her and she decided the proper response was to kick him out. She really didn't know why she was crying but something about hearing him say those words made Lauren feel vulnerable. Like every insecurity about relationships and love came out of her and she just shut down. Her only reaction was to reject those feelings and force him to leave.

"Well last night Connor took me to dinner," the Latina started, "he had this nice reserved table and we had a great time. Then when he dropped me off he kept saying all these sweet things about me and how happy I made him and I had never had someone speak about me like that so I brought him inside and we...ya know."

"Wait right here?? On this bed where I have been sitting with you for the last 45 minutes and you didn't bother to tell me??" Normani said jumping up immediately making Lauren crack a small smile.

"Oh yeah, woops sorry Mani, Connor and I had sex here" Lauren chuckled as Normani walked over and sat on her own bed and motioned for Lauren to come sit next to her. "Anyway," Lauren continued sitting down next to Normani on her bed, "so that happens then this morning he tells me he didn't get to finish what he wanted to say last night. Then he told me he loved me, and I fuckin panicked Mani you should've seen me I looked terrified then I spazzed and told him to leave, I fucking told him to leave after he professed his love to me. God, I'm such a fucking bitch, but I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't think. No one had said that to me before and it scared the shit out of me I mean how could anyone love me? So anyway, he left and then you came in and yeah I don't know all my bottled up emotions came out at once I guess."

Normani sat there trying to process it all. Connor loved Lauren. Her heart sank a little when she said that, but then it rose again when Lauren said she made him leave. Was she a bad person for being happy about that? Maybe that meant Lauren didn't love him back. She hoped so because how was she supposed to confess her feelings toward Lauren if that's how she reacts every time someone declares their love for her.

"Well," Normani said after a long silence, "do you love him?"

It seemed like a simple enough question but Lauren grabbed Normani's pillow and smashed her face into it, "FUUUUUUUCK" she yelled in a muffled voice then removed the pillow from her face. "I don't know Mani, I don't fucking know if I love him cause I don't know what love is! What is it? Do you feel it, do you just know? I don't know! Cause no one has ever told me they loved me before, I mean besides my family. So, I don't know if I love him. Does he make me happy? Sure, I love being around him! Do I see myself with him forever? I have no fucking clue. How am I supposed to know that now? Isn't that what love is? Long term shit? I'm not used to this relationship stuff. I don't understand how it works. Am I supposed to say it back to him?"