Here You Go: A Collection of Garbage and Other Things

The Perfect Kiss for Donna Waters

I had my first kiss when I was what? Seventeen? Sixteen? It was with a Mike— although now I can't remember if it was football Mike or Dungeons and Dragons Mike. I like to think it was the former, but, like I said, it was a while ago. 

But this story's not about me (more's the pity), it's about Donna Waters. The bitchiest, pickiest girl ever to step foot into Franklin High School, she'll refuse a bucket of water even if she was dying of thirst, all because it wasn't "fresh, spring drawn, sparkling-pomegranate flavored". 

The sad thing was, if she lost her personality, the guys woulda been scrambling over themselves to ask her out. I hate to say anything that'll complement that bitch, but truth be told, she was beautiful. Turquoise eyes, thick smoky lashes that didn't need mascara to look like those Instagram makeovers, cheekbones to kill for, she had it all. 

But she was so high maintenance even fucking Jesus himself would have failed her standards. 

When Asher Collins, resident bad boy of Franklin, the image of sex personified complete with the leather jacket, five o'clock shadow, and a motorcycle to boot, Donna turned him down because "his clothes didn't have enough variety". Exact quote, when Michelle Ortiz who's been in love with Asher for like ages cornered her about it in 6th period gym. 

Luke Lavelin, quarterback, tried his luck next. He did better than Asher— he actually got to first base. Of course, now he's in the hospital peeing into man diapers because Donna kicked him in the balls with her killer heels on their first date, on the claim that she was feeling violated. But she told us in gym that it was because he "tasted like chicken and used too much tongue" when he kissed her. 

I, along with the rest of Franklin HS would have sold my soul to even touch any of those hotties, but she rejects one and puts another in the hospital. 

Unappreciative bitch. 

So we all lived in a kinda stasis, all of us wondering which Adonis Donna would scar for life next, and hoping it wasn't any of our crushes. 

Then she came into the locker room without the sneer she usually had on those rose red lips. Donna was actually smiling; her pale skin was flush with a rosy blush, and her hair was messy. Not only was she a bitch, she was an OCD bitch, so you could have imagined everyone's surprise when they saw it. 

I think some girls' mouths dropped open—wide enough to catch flies. 

Katy Fillers broke the shocked silence that settle over the plethora of girls in various states of undress. She placed her hands on her hips and snorted. "Did Donna finally find a boy that meets her standards? Next you'll tell me Mrs. Fleming is the fucking winner of America's Next Top Model!" 

Katy Fillers is known for three things; her brutal honestly, her sarcasm that'll make Gordon Ramsay weep, and her brains.  

Donna smiled dreamily. That was all Katy needed to let loose a scream that coulda cracked glass. Because for some weird fucked upped reason, she was the only one of us who tolerated Donna. I thought she was either lesbian or asexual not to hate that bitch, but whatever. 

"Who is it?" 

Donna actually looked unsure. "I don't know his name yet, so..."

"Bitch, you look like you were thoroughly kissed, so spill." Throughout this exchange, everyone just listened in dead silence— you coulda heard a pin drop. 

"He's perfect. He uses just the right amount of tongue, you know, so it's sexy but not—like—slurping—and he actually knows how to use his teeth to kinda bite down and make it fucking wicked—and how to brush his teeth too—he tastes like mint and chocolate-"