Can We Be Wrong Tonight

Love Alone

Stuck at the part

Where you feel incomplete...

                                          -- “Love Alone”, Thriving Ivory

My footsteps crunch the gravel beneath my hard soled boots. It’s the only sound in the silence of the night. I walk through the abandoned park aimlessly. I’m not going anywhere, I’m not coming from anywhere. I’m just here.

If I listen just enough I can hear his laugh in the wind that whips my hair around my ears. If I look just enough I can see his feet making depressions in the gravel. If I concentrate just enough I can feel his hand on my shoulder. If I smell just enough I can get a whiff of him. But when I listen, look, concentrate, or smell completely it all goes away and I’m left alone again. 

I reach the swing set. I trace the worn seat of the swing he’d sit on, before siting on my usual one. I push off the ground and push and pump until I’m going too high and too fast. The world whipping around me. What if I go fast enough I fly back to him?

What if? It’s the question I ask myself everyday at this point. Every minute, every moment. What if?  

My thoughts consume me. Everything spinning around in my head causes me to stop pumping. The swing and I gradually come to stop. I’m out of breath and panting, half from the exertion and half from the loneliness seeping through my body.