Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?
-- “Almost Lover”, A Fine Frenzy
All the time we’ve been apart seems to fade as I get closer and all the memories I thought I’d lost come back. I can smell him, feel him, hear him. He is right in front of me.
He turns and I think he sees me, but he’s on the phone. I stand helpless, like my feet are cemented to the ground below. He’s walking towards me and I feel like my heart is going to lift me off the ground with the way it’s beating. I anticipate him stopping to say ‘hi’ or just nodding in my direction. He’s closer to me than ever. And when he’s only inches away I freeze, holding my breath, but he walks by me without even a second glance. My heart sinks and my whole body droops.
When I know he’s far past me I turn to watch him. He’s walking straight down the aisle, busy talking on the phone. But I can’t feel a thing. I’m not happy or sad or even mad to see him or that he did not to acknowledge me. Normally I’d make excuses why he didn’t even glance my way, but not right now. I can feel myself shrink and my heart shrivel. I release my uncontrolled death grip from the shopping cart handle and let my legs give out. I end up sitting on the ground with my back against a display of coffee mugs, my body trembling.
He was right there, he was so close, but so far away. He is really gone, why can’t I accept that?
I’m not sure what to think or feel, numbness taking over all my senses. The whole world spinning. The shelves of dishes dancing around me like a Disney movie, bleary through my teary eyes. I’m shaking and shivering in pain and disappointment.
After what seems like forever I slowly push myself off the floor. I glance at my watch and remember that I need to get going.
As I walk down the aisle the once colorful shelves now look dismal and gray. The bustling of the people around me slows, everyone seems to be moving slower. The whole world is quieter. My thoughts run on their own loop: he didn’t remember you, he doesn’t care about you, he didn’t remember you, he doesn’t care about you. Again and again, over and over.
YOU ARE READING
Can We Be Wrong Tonight
RomanceMissing someone isn’t about how long it has been since you’ve seen them or the amount of time since you’ve talked. It’s about that very moment when you find yourself doing something and wishing they were right by your side. -anonymous
