Deliverance (Lucious/Cookie, Anika/Malcolm)

Chapter Two: Who's Gonna Save My Soul?

Summary: How does Cookie really  feel about marrying Lucious again - especially with Malcolm right in front of her?

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It was when Hakeem was surrounded by his family that he felt the most alone. Unlike Jamal and Andre, Hakeem had no memories of his mother. From the moment he could write his name, Hakeem wrote Cookie in prison nearly every week until the pretty girl from Empire's A&R department became a fixture in his life. PLEASE WRITE BACK, Hakeem pleaded almost every week at the bottom of his letters, but the last one he had was dated on his 9th birthday.

A few months ago, Lucious confessed that he'd never mailed any of Hakeem's letters, and he'd intercepted the ones Cookie wrote to him. The only ones Hakeem ever got were the ones that Lucious missed. "I knew how you would fall in love with her, Hakeem, just like your brothers did. I didn't want you to experience that kind of loss."

"Loss?" How could Hakeem lose something he never had? For 17 years, all the anger and hatred Hakeem carried for Cookie was based on a bunch of lies his father told him. Andre and Jamal were just as shocked, but the two of them had memories and stories of Cookie. All Hakeem had for years was a picture of Cookie was holding Hakeem the day he was born. He still carried in his wallet, as if Cookie would disappear at any moment. 

In the end, Andre and Jamal had to drag Hakeem out of the room, kicking and screaming at Lucious. "You stole her from me! You selfish motherfucker! You punk bitch! I hate you!" Hakeem managed to break away from his brothers and took off in his truck, speeding through every red light while taking long swigs from the bottle of Hennessy he'd bought earlier that day. How he'd made it to Cookie's house without killing himself or anybody else was nothing short of a miracle. There, Hakeem collapsed in her arms and cried 17 years of tears in Cookie's arms. "I'm sorry, Mama. I'm sorry," he sobbed over and over, and Cookie held Hakeem until he drifted off to sleep for the first time since before she went away.

As cruel as it sounded, Lucious truly thought he was doing the right thing by cutting off his sons' access to their mother. "So I've made mistakes," Lucious had told Cookie on the day he asked her to marry him so long ago, back when he was afraid of dying alone. "I'll spend the rest of my life fixing them. In the end, you'll understand the choices I made." On that, Lucious was right. Cookie did understand why Lucious had done the things he did – abandoning her, stealing the boys, breaking it off with Cookie in order to protect the IPO signing. And Lucious was doing the best he could to atone for his sins. But that didn't make it right, and it didn't take the pain away from Cookie or Hakeem, who would spend all his life feeling isolated from his family - more so, now that Cookie was back.

"...and I'm scared because I know I'm supposed to be at school, right?" Andre was telling everyone at the table about a day when he skipped school and came home, only to learn about the facts of life up close and personal. Like with most of the stories his parents and his brothers recounted, Andre's story had two main factors. One, Hakeem felt no connection to it. Two, the story was going to end with Andre getting his ass beat. At least this particular story was funny enough to keep Hakeem's attention. "But I'm more scared because I'm thinking that Mom is getting beat up because of the fight they'd had that morning, and I'm not letting anybody hurt my mama. So I bust through the door, and ohhhhh, my God..."

"Poor baby." Cookie reached out and squeezed her oldest son's hand above all the laughter. Cookie was probably the only woman in the history of their neighborhood who'd owned a bottle of anal lube before it could be discreetly ordered online. "Ain't no telling what you saw that day."

"I'll tell you what I saw - nekkid ass! I still see it in my nightmares!" Andre gave a comical shudder, and Cookie playfully pushed him upside the head. It was crazy to think about Andre, who was usually so cool and collected, being blinded by the sight of Lucious with his pants around his ankles, pounding away at their mother. Hakeem had the same experience just four days ago. "Knock next time," Lucious had told him, shrugging off Hakeem's damnded-mine-eyes moment featuring Cookie bent over Lucious's desk. "Better yet, don't come to my office during lunch when your mama's wearing a dress or a skirt." Left unsaid was that Cookie always wore a dress or a skirt to work.