dance in her shoes

1 ~ Bonnie

~ Bonnie's P.O.V ~

*two years ago*

The lights were shining and beaming in my face with low life adults and teenagers streaming everywhere. But that didn't stop me from doing what I came here for. The club smelt of sweat, alcohol and cigarettes. I searched everywhere, running upstairs, downstairs and all over the dance floor like a maniac. After fifteen minutes, I needed a breath of fresh air because this place was so chaotic I wanted to scream. I went outside and as soon as the loud, crazy music started to fade, I began to cry. I felt like I was having an asthma attack. I slid down across the brick wall and put my hands on my head. I wondered how I could've been this stupid to not realize that he would've snuck out. He would've. He did. I had no control, and as soon as I thought he got better, I was just faced with disappointment once again. That was until my eyes roamed the sidewalk of outside the club, and landed on a skinny, tall figure. His face was facing the floor with a hunched back as he chucked up vomit after vomit after vomit. I knew it straight away, so that was why I sprinted. I grabbed him without a word and raced towards my car. He tried to free himself from my tight grasp but he was way too drunk to succeed. Once I reached my car in the side street, I opened the passenger seat door.

"Whatre you doing hereee?!", he slurred. "Piss off!"

"Max, please just get in the car before I make you get in the car," I sighed, tired and just waiting to get home.

"No! Yew can't tell me what to do! You're not mmUm!", He yelled, walking back from the car. Before he could attempt to run away, I gripped his arm tightly and dragged him into the car. I shut the door then ran around and got into the drivers seat.

We were driving for about ten minutes with Max slurring his words very loudly, unable for me to understand him. He was hitting the car and kicking as usual. I let him, because if I tried to stop him he'd scream louder. He then tried turning the wheel, making me scream.

"Max, stop! You're not going anywhere!", I shrieked in anger. He stopped for a minute then said something that changed everything.

"Yooou're the reason Dad left!", he screamed at me.

It felt like my heart stopped. Everything stopped.

"We all hate yew! I hate yew! You are the monster not Dad! BITCH!"

Before he could say anymore, I pulled over the car on the highway, blocking out the beeping i was getting from the other cars. I was breathing heavily, my heart racing and my hands shaking. My hands gripped the wheel that my hands started to hurt. It was like this for what seemed forever until Max started to talk.

"Dad hates you I hate you," he pointed at me, like I was a victim. "DON'T TOUCH THAT BONNIE! GO AWAY BONNIE! SAY SORRY BONNIE! I TOLD YOU TO STOP THAT BONNIE!"

His words were ringing in my head, flashbacks flashing in my mind making me scream.

"GET ME OUT OF THIS FUUUCKING CARR!"

I unlocked the door. Then it happened. The one person that I loved, I let go. I never knew that I wouldn't see him again, because as soon as that truck came past, he was standing there.

* * *

*two years later*

It was raining today. It was like this for two years. Everyday was raining, because half time i imagined it was raining. Drowning my sorrow. Drowning my guilt. If this is how my life is going to be, I don't want it. Losing my brother wasn't an occasion or an event. It doesn't just happen once. It happens over and over again. I lose him every time I pick up his favorite coffee mug; whenever that one song plays on the radio, or when I discover his old t-shirt at the bottom of the laundry pile. I lose him every time I think of him. I go to bed at night and lose him, when I wish I could tell him about my day and our stupid Math's teacher. And in the morning when I finally wake up, I lose him all over again. And today, was like a repeat of yesterday and the two years before yesterday, so we just sat in silence as usual, eating toast.