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I woke up feeling worried. It was a strange feeling actually, because while I was worried about what had just happened, I was also excited to begin a new chapter in my life. I took a shower and got ready for work. As I drove to Pattie's house I felt relief knowing that anything I did with Justin would no longer be a lie or a secret. It was finally time for everyone to know.
Maybe I needed to wait a bit, so it wouldn't be so obvious that I cheated on Xavier. The word cheated made my stomach turn upside down, but it was the reality of the situation. I had cheated on my fiancé, something I never thought I would do.
Once I rang the doorbell, Pattie opened up and let me inside.
"Good morning," I greeted her.
"Good morning Camila," she said, "I don't work today, but the reason why I didn't call you was because I needed to talk to you."
Those six simple words always made my heart race in my chest, no matter who said them.
"Justin's old nurse, Savannah is back in the city, she just got her credentials to be a nurse and asked to have her job back. As thankful as I am for you, I've known Savannah for a while and think that she'll be great for Justin again," Pattie explained.
My heart sank in my chest. So many emotions puzzled me; this was so sudden yet I felt it coming. She had started disliking me for no apparent reason. If I could I would have cried right there and then, but I didn't want to show my true emotions to Pattie.
"I hope you understand," she added. Like that could be understood.
"Yeah, I understand," I responded.
But I really didn't.
Why didn't she like me? Why couldn't I continue to be with Justin? Why couldn't I just sum up the guts to tell her that I love her son?
"Thank you so much," she thanked me, handing me a white envelope.
"What's this?" I asked.
"It's your check for this month and two months severance for the late notice," she said.
"Oh no, you don't have-"
"I want to, it's the least I can do," she said.
I hesitantly took it and placed it in my bag. "Can I... Can I say goodbye to Justin?"
"Of course," she said. I could see the happiness on her face because I would no longer be Justin's nurse. I just didn't understand why she asked me to be his nurse if she would later replace me with someone else?
I slowly took long steps to Justin's room, this was the last time I would be walking to his room. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt my legs grow weak. I took a deep breath in and held it for a few seconds, trying to calm myself and relax the confused and upset look on my face before I walked inside his room.
He was silently sitting on his bed like usual, but this time he was reading a children's book. His hair was messy and a couple of strands rested against his forehead. He was wearing a black hoodie with grey ripped jeans, his usual outfit.
"Mila!" He said looking up at me.
"Hi Justin," I said trying my best to hold it together.
"I-I'm reading a b-book," he said giving me a large smile.
"I can see that, do you like it?" I asked as I sat on the side of his bed.
"V-very much," he replied.
I looked back at the door and saw Pattie standing there. When I looked back at Justin my heart broke into a million pieces. I didn't know what to say so that I wouldn't hurt his delicate heart. He didn't deserve this.
"Listen, I want you to know that I'm so proud of you and of everything that you've accomplished. You're an amazing person and don't let anyone tell you otherwise," I said holding his hand, "Your speech is so much better, you can do so many things all by yourself, it's amazing being able to go with you through this journey. I want you to keep painting and being the loving happy person that you are. I know you can do whatever you want if you set your mind to it. The world is lucky to have you in it."
He smiled and I took my bottom lip into my mouth biting it as hard as I could to keep myself from crying.
Just as I felt my tears coming in I brought him into a hug, mouthing the words, "I'm so sorry."
I knew he couldn't hear me say I was sorry but the act of mouthing it would have to suffice for now. He hugged me tightly like he always did when he saw me. I reached for my cheeks wiping the tears away and looking up so that my eyes would dry up a little.
"I will always have you with me in my heart, okay?" I whispered, "I love you."
I quickly pulled away from the hug to block him from his mother's view when he whispered 'I love you' back to me.
"Your mom's not working today, so I can't stay, but I'll see you soon, okay?" I asked not knowing if it was the truth or if I would never see him again.
"Okay," he said pouting. I rubbed his cheek before bringing my hand to my own and rubbing my tears away.
I quickly got up and turned away before he could notice signs of tears in my eyes. As I passed by Pattie, I looked back and said, "Bye Justin."
"Bye bye Mila."
He had no idea I was saying goodbye forever and it was crazy to think that I might never see him again. I could just tell him that, Pattie would be even more upset with me and Justin would cry and cry.
I speed walked to the door and as I opened it I said, "Thanks for everything Ms. Mallette."
I closed the door and ran over to my car, unlocking it and getting inside. My tears overflowed, tired of staying in my eyes, they fell down my cheeks like rivers that had been blocked off by large boulders. I hit my head on the steering wheel as I sobbed out loud, finally letting my emotions out.
Everything was over.
I wasn't engaged.
I didn't have a job.
And I didn't have Justin.
Ruined. Completely.
Funny how fast things can change, one moment they change for the good and the next, they're ruined.
After about 15 minutes, I was able to hold it together, at least until I got home. I reversed out of the driveway and drove home.
As soon as I got home I threw my keys on the counter and crashed down on the couch. There wasn't a lot I could do besides sleep.
