The Pursuit of Perfection

37: In Question

Going downstairs, I expect another dinner party, but when we get to the room where we were last time, it's just Harry's mother, father, he and I. I look over at Harry and he looks like this alarms him.

"Hello." His mother says to him and me.

"Hi," I say for the both of us when it's clear Harry doesn't have anything to say.

I make the mistake of pushing hair behind my ear with my left hand and I see both his father and his mother's eyes zero in on the ring.

"You're engaged." She says, her voice flat, like this wasn't at all what she expected, or at all what she wanted.

"Yes." Harry says, we're still standing in the doorway.

"Congratulations." Harry's father says, it sounds like it hurts him to say this.

"Thanks." Harry says.

"Come sit down," Harry's mother says.

I follow Harry's lead and sit down next to him.

"I'm dying." She says very plainly once we're seated. "Which you know, because your father told you. But I had to say it."

"I'm sorry." Harry says, I can tell he's got no idea what to say.

Harry's mother, if I remember correctly her name is Nancy, shrugs, "That's what everyone says but we all die, don't we?"

For whatever reason I'm starting to feel a little defensive for Harry, and I don't know why, but I remember him crying and I cannot figure out why this woman is still so frigid even when she's so close to death. Even when this might be the last time she sees him.

Harry doesn't say anything, but Nancy looks at him like she wants him too, like she already had this dialogue played out in her head, but now Harry isn't playing along accordingly.

She purses her lips but remains quiet. They bring the food out and if I wasn't stressed before, I'm stressed now. Eating still has not become a pleasurable experience for me. Maybe it will, or maybe it won't, regardless, in this moment I have to eat in front of Nancy and Harry's father, whose name I don't know.

Harry reaches over and puts his hand on my thigh, I think it's for me, but also for him.

We're all silent for ten minutes and then Harry breaks the ice, and the moment he opens his mouth, I can just tell we're in for trouble.

"So why didn't you tell me you were sick when you found out?" He asks.

"It wasn't a big deal." His mother sighs, "There we treatments that should have worked."

"I'm your son, and I know you never acted like that, but I at least thought you'd let me know if you got ovarian cancer." Harry says.

"What do you mean we never acted like it?" Nancy asks, "We gave you everything."

"You gave me childhood trauma I've been taking out on Isabel like an asshole, that's what you gave me." Harry tells her, and I'm holding my breath, worried for how this will turn out.

"We gave you every opportunity, we paid for everything you wanted to do." His mother says, angry, "How is that trauma?"

"You gave me every opportunity you wanted me to have, and when I wanted to do something there was always an ultimatum, painting lessons in exchange for archery, you let me play in a band in exchange that I give Zoey a chance, it was always something with you." Harry says.

"We knew what was best for you." She says, I can tell she's trying very hard to keep her tone under control, she wants to explode, but she also wants Harry to stay.