Balancing Acts

Chapter 18: Love's Healing Power

            Brandon wore his dark shades during the entire funeral service at the church. His mother cried off and on, and both of his brothers stared at the hardwood church floor during most of the service. The casket and flower arrangement were beautiful. It showed how much the family truly loved Jack Prescott, Sr. I only wished I could know what Brandon was thinking and feeling. He was just so cold. Even though he held my hand at times and helped with our sons throughout the service, he was so cold.

            After the funeral service, we followed the hearse to the burial site. It was there that I finally noticed a change in my husband. He held my hand a lot tighter as we watched the casket being lowered into the ground. He was shaking and even though he wasn't crying, I could finally sense that he was in pain. It wasn't until we were in the car on our way to his late grandmother's home that he finally broke his silence.

            "I don't know how to feel, baby," he said, surprising me with his voice. "He's dead and...I just don't know how to feel right now. I spent so much time being angry at that man and at my mama and at my brothers. I just..." He sighed and took a deep breath before continuing, "How do I forgive him now that he's gone?"

            "His last words were about you, Brandon," I said. "Isn't that proof enough that he was ready to accept you? He told the family to accept you, me and our sons before he died. I know you're not a very religious person and neither am I, but I do believe once someone passes on that they continue to live somewhere else. Maybe somehow, someway he'll know that you forgive him once you do forgive him. And maybe there will be some kind of sign that will let you know that he knows. It could be a chill in the air or you may hear the sound of his voice in your ear. There will come a time when you will have to face this, Brandon."

            I didn't know if my words reached him the way I needed them to, but I still had hope that things could be fixed. When we arrived at his late grandmother's beautiful home out near a lake, the first thing I did was stop and take in a breath of the fresh air that surrounded me. Brandon finally took off his shades and he took a few deep breaths of the fresh air as well. And then the biggest smile formed on his face. I almost couldn't believe that I was witnessing him with a smile on such a sad day.

            "What are you smiling about?" I asked as I picked Jeremiah up to fix his little necktie.

            "I was just thinking about all the times I used to come here when I was a little kid," he replied. "My mama didn't really get along with my dad's mama, so he used to bring me and my brothers here and we'd run around this place until we couldn't run anymore. And my dad had this group of friends that he grew up with that lived on the other side of the lake, and they were like the coolest dudes ever. They taught me and my brothers how to fish and how to shoot a gun. I didn't know how much I missed this place until now."

            After standing outside for a little while and taking in the beautiful scenery with the boys, we entered the house together. I could already smell the delicious food for the repast (or repass), so my stomach was growling like Eartha Kitt. Once again, Velma and her sisters had made their three macaroni and cheese dishes. However, there was a lot more food this time. Not only had people cooked food, they'd also bought boxes of Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits. I wasn't even thinking about all of the time I would have to spend in the gym as I piled food on my plate.

            "Aunt Sheila's macaroni and cheese is so good, isn't it?" Brandon quietly asked me as we ate.

            "Yes," I answered. "I could literally eat this every and not get tired of it." I looked at him and said, "Seems like you're in a better mood."

            "It's this house. I can never be upset or anything when I'm in my grandma's house. You would've loved her, baby. She was so nice and she loved everybody. If she had been alive when I came out, I know she wouldn't have had a problem with it. I miss her."