Balancing Acts

Chapter 11: Body & Soul

            Things hadn't returned to normal between Brandon and I two weeks after I let him come back home, but we were communicating and making an attempt to get back to some sense of normalcy. We hadn't had sex since that late night in his hotel suite and even though I did want to have sex with him, I still wasn't sure if I could trust him the way I did before. I was still struggling with the fact that he felt the need to be pleased sexually outside of our relationship. We'd had conversation after conversation since he'd been back home, yet he still hadn't convinced me that his act was solely a selfish move on his part. I was still very insecure and I partly blamed myself. Therefore, my anger remained.

            However, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying him waiting on me hand and foot every day. My every wish was basically his command. I'd gotten him to fire his bitchy assistant, to give me constant access to his phone and to agree to a full renovation of our kitchen next summer. Since he'd stepped down from the big case at his job, he was home more and I couldn't complain about that. There was nothing I loved more than waking up with him each morning and having him home on time for dinner each night. I still loved that man body and soul.

            "I can't believe you invited Marlon and Porsha," Brandon said to me as he stepped out of his closet.

            "He's one of your closest friends," I said back before going into my closet to get a pair of pants. I came back out and explained, "I didn't want my brother and his wife to be the only two straight people here tonight."

            "Your brother barely knows Marlon because Marlon rarely plays basketball with us. The only thing he and Harold have in common is the fact that they're both married to women." He buttoned up his shirt and then sat down on our bed to put on his shoes before asking, "Why did you even invite your brother and Camilla?"

            "Because a couple of weeks ago when I let them watch the boys, he noticed something weird going on between me and you. I need to assure him that everything is fine between us. You know how overprotective him and my dad can be. If he finds out about what happened, he'll rearrange your face."

            "Or he'll respect the fact that we were able to work it out without any outside intervention. Baby, we don't have to assure anybody anything. We're good, right?" He stood up from our bed and approached me. "Julani, are we good?"

            "We're communicating."

            "What's that supposed to mean? Are you still upset with me?"

            "Of course I am. Brandon, I let you come back home because I am ready to work things out. But we're not back to how we were. We're not even close."

            "What more do I have to do? Should I tell all of our friends and your family what happened? Will making me somehow feel even guiltier fix things between us? Tell me because you know I am willing to do anything you want, baby."

            "Brandon, I don't know what it will take. Maybe we should go to counseling."

            "So, you wanna bring a stranger into our relationship again?"

            "Again?"

            "Your...whatever it was with Tyree. I'm glad the man helped us out and everything, but I hope you don't keep feeling the need to bring people into our relationship like that."

            "If you're serious about wanting to fix this problem then it shouldn't be asking too much to consider seeing a professional counselor." I leaned on him for balance as I put my pants on.

            He helped me put on my pants and told me, "I don't know if I'd be comfortable talking about personal stuff like that to a stranger. In my family, we just went to church when something bad happened. We didn't talk to therapists or anything like that."