As I looked at myself in the mirror I began to question....Who am I? Where did the sweet, innocent, little girl go? Is she still inside of me?
I wondered about that for hours. Then for weeks and months. It was something that was so strange to me.
Like how we grow.... Our bodies change, our emotions change, even our personalitites change. We are a completely different person; yet called by the say name.
Then one night, I had a dream.
This wasn't your typical hopeless romantic dream, or your nightmare, it was a dream from the past.
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Chapter 1
The dream began in the scene of a hospital.
I saw a lady (who looked strangely familiar) screaming in pain. I saw a man comforting her, assuring her that everything would be just fine.
I then saw a doctor. She was a tall woman, wearing a long white coat. She told the lady screaming in pain that someone would come to help right away.
There was a flash of white then I saw a hospital room.
I saw the lady who was in pain now crying. She looked happy though. The man comforting her was smiling from ear to ear. All of the doctors, nurses & staff all had their eyes set on a beautiful creature...a tiny, little baby.
I was so confused in my mind. Why on earth am I having a dream about a baby being born?
The doctors then asked the lady and the man what they wanted to name their baby. The lady replied, "Malai ".
At this point, in my mind everything was falling together. All of the pieces of the puzzle where being put together. The lady in pain was my mother. The man comforting her; my father. This was going to be a dream about my life.
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Chapter 2
In after what felt like seconds, the little baby was now walking, talking and doing what she loved best.. dancing.
She had to be no older than about 2 or 3.
I looked at her.
I looked at how happy she was. I looked at how she laughed at absolutely nothing. I looked at her smile.
I looked at my parents.
I looked at the glow in their eyes when they looked at her. I looked at how happy they were to have her in their life.
At that moment I was woken by a loud noise.
I got out of bed only to find that it was just a gust of wind blowing against my house.
I snuggled back into bed, pulled the covers over my head and went back to sleep.
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Chapter 3
At this part of the dream the little 3 year old was now much older.
She looked like she was in her early teens.
She looked sad. You could tell by the look on her face that she was hurt and lonely.
I began to have flashbacks that shot chills down my spine.
Flashbacks of the hospital where she was born. The tears of her mother after giving birth. The smile on her face at a young age. The happiness she brought to her parents.
It was very difficult; you know...looking at her in her younger years and looking at her now.
Seeing the pain in her eyes that almost everyone seemed to look over.
I saw the nights where she stayed up way past her bedtime crying.
Wondering when all the pain would go away. Thinking about when she would find true happiness. Guessing about what would happend after all of this was over.
I woke up yet again.
This time I was screaming. I got an album of pictures from when I was younger and ripped them into millions of streads.
I began knocking things off my desk, dresser and bookselves.
I realized there was beast living inside of me. Trapped forever...with no way out.
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Chapter 4
So you may be wondering..was that "beast mode" real, or was it a dream?
That is a question I'm afraid I will never be able to answer.. because.. well.. I'm not quite sure.
Next thing I knew, I was alseep again.
I saw the girl (well myself I guess) in a dark room by herself.
I heard weeping.
I then saw a little girl around the age of 8 come into the room.
When the little girl walked in, the darkness in the room was overtaken with light.
The little girl stared and stared at the older girl. She was wondering what was wrong. And so she asked...
"Umm.. excuse me", said the little girl, "Is everything ok?"
The older girl looked at her.
"Who are you?", said the older girl.
The younger girl giggled and said, "I'm you."
The older girl gave her a look.
The little girl gave the older girl a box of tissues and said, "What have you done with my life? Why are you crying? Why are you being so difficult to the people that love you the most?"
"You don't understand.", said the older girl, "You don't know what it feels like to be like this. It's like your stuck in a box..your trapped. Everyone else around you makes you feel less of a person and at a point you can't take it anymore. Just go and enjoy your life while you are young; go play in the snow or read your favorite book."
"I care about you", said the little girl, "I'm not going to leave you, never. I want you to change you life. Stop being so sad and be happy. Look at life on the bright side. Don't cry, please..for me..
The older girl looked at the younger girl and said, "Your right! I'm gonna change my life starting today. Thank you."
I saw them hug eachother.
It was an amazing sight. Something you would expect to see in a movie.
I woke up by an alarm.
It was time for school.
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Chapter 5
From that point on, my life really did change.
I was alot happier and I looked at the more beautiful things in life.
Of course I had bad days, and good days.. I still have them now. But I understand that just because it was a bad day for me, doesnt mean it was a bad day for everyone else. A newborn just took their first breath that day.
I will never really know why I had a dream like that.
Maybe it was a sign from God...Maybe he wanted to let me know that I needed to change myself, so that I could be a witness to others and tell them that life gets better, the storm ends eventually.
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So to all of you reading this, change your life..today.
Stop being depressed and stop worrying about things you can't control and just be happy!
In the end, you'll be happy you changed.
XOXO
