19

Flatline in Horizon

After another rotary cycle of fight, flight and survive, my eyes snapped open: clear again from the stains that had built up and concentrated from the moments before. Before my vision, a dry dark terrain of broken rubble and black silt with the stench of a pungent metallic tint from fired artillery and detonated weapons. From this composition in front of me, I figured that my orientation must have been facing the earth when the previous fight took my consciousness. Although unclear of what the sky's palette consisted of at the time my senses returned due to my position, the fair intensity of light which I could make out gave me the assumption that the night from before had already phased into the morning. Despite wanting to turn my body and face myself towards the stratosphere for a greater breath of air, my muscles were still weak and inactive from being motionless so thus I stayed still and waited until i was able to re-coordinate my nerve activity and transpose myself to a comfortable position. Sooner or later, blood began to instinctively circulate and dart towards all ends of my worn-down injured body and my charred hands eventually were able to twitch and grope the unclean black crater I lay in. Whilst the force I could apply onto the floor began to accumulate, I eventually built up the resolve to give one strong push that would apply the pressure i needed to be able to push myself from the ground. As a result, my body managed to turn over in one hefty turn and the sky was there for me to see again. It wasn't the prettiest at all, it was dull, hazy and soulless, but even so, it was the sky I was familiar with each time I woke up in an unfamiliar location with a blurred memory. It must mean I survived again. Again; like always.

The air swept past me in an almost monotone wave that correlated with the colour of the grim grey sky above me. Even though there was supply to breathe and live, the oxygen that I took in felt very hollow and minimal. Although truthfully oxygen isn't something you could sense, it was plain-fully obvious that the air had a very dry composition to the point where efficiency was low and respiration only produced minimal energy; each time I breathed in, gas exchange became more deathly and emphasised the word life in lifeless. I was unsure whether it was just my lungs being affected by the increasing scope of the metal, dirt and gas particles I've breathed in from the chaos of the previous battle, but to me, my whole environment was what held me in place like a puppet under the conditions presented to me. However hard and lifeless I felt in the environment I woke up in, I guess I was still alive in survival; a fact which solidified the cherished life filled with pride and strong will that had been taken in my stride. And thus, a trek begun across the black wilderness that contrasted like charcoal with the unsaturated grey above.

Where was my destination? Where even was I heading from my original location? In my mind, I knew where I was going even though all directions had the exact image of nothingness in the horizon. However barren it was, the journey I took and the territory I tread on was familiar to this worn out life; my senses and direction were always sharp however rusty this body became. Looking at this body of mine as i walked, clothed in ripped navy green army uniform stained with the debris that I fought in during the moment of madness, I thought to myself how many times I have been left reeling and reflecting at a situation like this in the middle of nowhere. For me, I would have given up long ago fighting for the ones I loved but there was something peculiar about not disappearing during the battles I've indulged myself in for the cause I hold in my heart. Maybe God had a plan for me and that was what it meant for me to not give up a battle of life and death however tiresome, dangerous and life-sucking it would become - especially in the aftermath of each individual moment of the war. I guess it's uncomfortable recycling the dry air each time and walking tirelessly across the war-torn desert to the point where the unstable ground begun to sink my legs out of its health condition. Even so, I knew where I was going and where I wanted my life to end up in- beyond the horizon where I could find myself in a place far different from this.