It's Complicated

Chapter 2

Authors Note: Sorry that the first chapter was in a bolder color. I didn't know it would look like that. Also this story is not about me at all. Thanks so much for sticking around

            After a couple weeks, the rumors grew more and more. I just tried my best to keep my head high, but its hard to do with all that pressure on your little head. Most of the time the rumors didn't affect me too bad, but one day some random strangers rumor got the best of me. That particular person kept saying that I was pregnant and we should find out who the" Baby Daddy," is so he can and come and save my child. I thought they were calling me fat, they probably were, but I now that I say it, I wish that I would have never said that to myself. I started to starve myself, if I ever ate anything, I threw it back up. I felt sick whenever I saw or smelt food. I slowly changed into a person even I didn't know. I was always tired, I starved myself, and never talked to anybody. And I mean ANYBODY. Nobody would want to talk to a freak anyways. The scariest thing is, I thought of different ways to kill myself. I would imagine a slow, painful death. Then agree with something that would be quick and over with. I thought about this everyday. These feelings controlled me for a long time. I still went to school. My parents wouldn't ever let me stay home, even if I was dying. So I went to hell 5 days a week, I saw the same people who made me feel this way. I wanted to scream at them for making me, and maybe others, feel this way. I wanted them so desperately to feel my pain. The pain I've had since freshman year. Two years past, and I was the same person, but even more depressed and desperate for somebody to come and save me from this hole in my life that I'm in. I would pray that somebody would at least move to my town and go to school with me, and be my friend. My first friend since forever. Somebody I can show my scars without them running away, instead showing me their battle-scars. I wouldn't talk to my parents, I wish that I would've at least told them what's going on in my life. Intill one day, I finally found somebody who is trying to survive life as we know it. He was so calm, and loving, and he understood me perfectly. We became friends instantly. We shared our stories and who did this to us. I started to form a humongous crush on him. He was my missing piece to my world of crazy, and I needed him with me. He finally asked me out on December 15, and that day I will never forget. He changed my life, I was happier and started to eat a little. I would only wear a smile with him around. He showed me how much he loved me by telling me how important I was. Then, the rumors started back up. People started telling him I would try to get into other guys pants for free. They made me sound like a massive slut. Then another rumor bomb hit and destroyed me and the relationship. I will never forget it. " She's cheating on you with me," his older brother told everybody. And the sad part is that he believed it! After all that time, I thought he trusted me. A couple days later, my life was destroyed, Jacob Matthews ( a.k.a the love of my life) jumped off the Franklin Bridge at 3:45. I knew he was the love of my life, every time we kissed there was a big explosion of sparks in my stomach. The rumors got worse and worse. I finally thought to myself, I'm done. I'm ending the battle. I'm done fighting a war that I'm never going to win. This depression has taken over my life too long. I wanted the pain to end. That's when I reached for the pills my mother has to take every morning, and opened the lid.

Authors Note: Im sorry if it sucked. Im trying to make a chapter a day. I know what depression feels like and its the worst feeling I have ever felt. If your thinking about suicide, don't. I may know you and I may not but it doesn't matter. Your beautiful in everyway. And as I look at you through this screen that's holding us apart I see a beautiful person with a bright future. Just keep fighting. I know its hard but we can both threw together! Stay with me!