It's Complicated

Chapter 4

Authors Note: Sorry the last chapter sucked. I was in a rush. I try to update everyday so I hope you guys enjoy. Thanks so much for reading. Stay tuned

      " Look I know what your going through, believe me. And your probably thinking' She doesn't know anything I'm going through', think again kid. I know exactly what your going through. I know right, so much pain for one person. But you know what else. Pain demands to be felt, and it hurts like bull. But the world doesn't ever stop for anybody. You got to keep your head up and march along and get ahead of everybody else. I know you can get through this. I believe in you." I looked into her ocean blue eyes and saw so much hurt. It hurt me to know that she is going through the same thing I was forced to go through. I lived a life that I hated so much, and wanted to die every single day. To think that she might be thinking the same exact thoughts. She's too young to let the world hurt her that much. We both were too young. I would go home everyday to see my husband, Luke, and my little girl, Amanda, and see so much love. To know that I have a family and I survived through all that depression makes me even happier. I just got to keep my kid on the right path too. I would imagine what would happen to my loved ones if I did commit suicide that day. My mom would be devastated, my dad wouldn't care. My husband would be with somebody else. My little angel of a daughter, wouldn't even be born. I would like to mentally thank my mom for saving me that day. Without her I wouldn't have the dream job that I love, a family that is wonderful, and friends that help me out in any problems I have. Right now I'm looking. Yes looking, looking out a car window, at my childhood home. It all lay on the ground in ashes. My childhood memories were made in there. I sit in the luxurious  car crying in till my eyes run out of tears. Yet, I'm happy that my depressing memories are burned down with the house. If that house still stood I would be visiting my mom every weekend looking at the same room where I cut my wrists and legs and stomach. I don't think I could handle the emotions of that. Then having to tell my husband that I tried to commit suicide in the bathroom he just used would hurt me. To tell my daughter to always avoid parties and boys and alcohol. It would hurt me to use the bathroom that I cried in for hours and hours. To sleep in the same bed that I cried myself to sleep in every night. I wouldn't be able to handle any of that. It would plain out be too much for me. So I just don't get out of the car. I don't dare get close to the ashes of the house I grew up in. But something inside me forces myself up and to walk to were the door would be. I look down and rub my black heel in the ash. I started crying more and then forced myself not to make any more bad memories here. I lay down the flowers beside where the window should be and walk slowly into the car. I take one more look and take a seat in the back with my baby girl. We drive back home and act like nothing had happened.

Authors Note: Sorry if it sucked again. I really want to thank all of you for reading more! Happy Valentines Day!!!!