Addiction and Mental Health my Story.

Chapter 5:- The new enemy- addiction

 The first day I used happened really innocently, I had no clue what I was getting into. I was walking around downtown in my city depressed and anxious and someone  came up to me and asked "Do you want to get high?"   A decision I will regret for the rest of my life , but I said " yes" I was so depressed that I didn't even care.  I used one drug  and then 30 minutes later I was using a hard core drug which I will not name because I don't want to glorify the drug use at all because last thing it was fun.  That night I used and drank all night  and didn't even know what I was using.  The girl warned me before I used " If you use this you will want more." but I didn't care I was so desperate to change my feelings it didn't matter.   To this day I wish I had listened to her, because she was right all it took was that one high and I thought I had found the answer I was looking for the most amazing experience in my life so I thought, but little did I know the hell it would bring for years to come. Something that I've later learned in psychology that I didn't know at the time and fully grasp is a fairly is concept that what goes up must go down and the higher you get the further you crash. Well I crashed hard into a severe depression and was suicidal, luckily someone who knew me just happened to be in the area when I was trying to hurt myself and took me to the ER.  It wasn't till after they tested me to see what I was on that I knew what I was taking.  I vowed after that day to never use this drug ever again.  unfortunately that vow was not good enough two weeks later I went back and it became an never ending searching of the first high which I could never get back.   During that period of time I got myself into a lot of dangerous situations and traumatic situations that I am still dealing with today, which I will not go into detail of.  But all I can say about my experience with addiction is the first night was fun after that it was hell on earth. I hated it, vowed so many times to stop but kept going back despite negative consequences.  I was trying to do university courses but addiction and school does not go together and I ended up dropping out of school for the second time. 

During this period of time I am very grateful to my psychiatrist who helped me getting into a treatment program. To this day I owe her my life not just for that but the number of times she knew what to say when I needed it and what to do when I needed it.   It was stuck in a never ending cycle that I didn't think I could get out of and I hated it but I felt so stuck.  I decided to go into treatment in a program that focused on mental health issues but dealt with the concurrent issue of addiction.   Stay tuned for more on this and how treatment helped me in recovery....