the 19th Hunger Games

Chapter 12

From my moment of victory, everything went too fast. A hovercraft appeared above me, someone came down specially to pry Lan’s dead body from my arms and place me onto the ladder. I was hauled up, dragged in and cleaned up but inside I was a mess. Lan’s last words where to warn me of the future and to tell me he loved me. I hadn’t realised it before until he told me… but he’d been the peaceful spot in my dreams. I hadn’t recognized the feeling because I refused to, because in my world love came only in combination with horrible pain. And my winning had only confirmed that idea.

   I was sedated and while I slept, a medical team took care of me. They healed my scars and wounds, treated my skin until it was soft and flawless. They had me strapped to a bed but after being awake for about half an hour they realised the straps were unnecessary. I wasn’t going anywhere, I just wanted to sleep and never wake up. Something vital inside of me had died.

   I was washed and groomed and people stuffed me with food. I was congratulated by my stylist Yune and scoffed by Ahm for the words I’d spoken directed at the president. He said it would get him killed. I hoped he was right. Eventually I was allowed to sleep, and sleep I did. It didn’t last long though because before I knew what happened I needed to get prepped and readied for my victory interview with Caesar Flickerman. I wasn’t ready for that by a long shot. I needed time to mourn. I needed time to overthink what I’d said in time of despair, the words I’d spoken directly at Snow. I needed to think about what Lan had said. I needed to think of a way to be able to face Oscar’s parents. There was so much taking up space in my head that I felt like overloading. An interview with Caesar wasn’t going to make things better, only worse.

   Still, I ended up in a chair opposite of him eventually, this time not dressed absurdly sexy but very simple, plain and sweet. A plaid dress to represent my district, I wasn’t sure why but Yune seemed delighted by the idea, with ruffled sleeves and I was allowed to wear my own boots. She’d done my hair in two braids that hung over my shoulders. My make-up was barely visible, just a thin layer of gloss on my lips and soft pink eyeliner. That was all.

   Caesar was different this time, very different. His hair was yellow but not too bright, more like blonde. His suit was the same colour, as he always wore the same colour clothes as his wig was, but it seemed subtler, more modest than usual.

“Well Xan, you can see I listened to you words,” he smiled after he’d helped me into my chair. What a gentleman. I smiled slightly.

“You look great,” I said.

“So tell me Xan, tell me… I think we all want to know this really badly… what exactly did you feel when you realised you’d won? With that whole confession of Lan and all…” I swallowed and in my head, I started naming all the people from 10 that I knew. It helped me keep a certain psychical distance between me and the emotion stirring inside of me, helping me to not start crying.

“I felt horrible,” I whispered. “I… There was this feeling that kept me going, you know? Like, especially in my sleep, my dreams were wild and restless but there was this piece of silence in the middle of it all… And I didn’t understand it was him until…”

“Until he declared his love for you.” I nodded and swallowed, staring down at my boots. A soft ‘aaaawww’ arose form the crowd watching me.

“But of course, you knew already one of you had to die. What if he had declared his love for you before that fatal moment that you stabbed him?” I kept looking at my boots.

“I don’t know. I think… I think maybe we would’ve found a way to die together. I mean, the Capitol doesn’t allow two victors, right? And even if they had, two districts don’t go together. We would’ve lived separately for the rest of our lives, knowing the other was out there but not being able to reach them. What kind of a life would that have been?” Another soft sound from the crowd. They loved me. I detested them at least as much as they loved me.

“So Xan, dearest, dearest Xan, tell us more about the words…” He frowned and for a second he looked up at president Snow’s balcony. Snow sat there, his eyes shimmering, head shaking a simple ‘no’. Caesar turned his gaze back at me and finished his sentence with, “the words Lan spoke to you, the ones we couldn’t hear. What did he whisper to you?” Clever.

“He said… he said I shouldn’t lose hope.”

After the interview I was crowned victor. I was placed upon a stage, looking high and mighty but dreading the moment I would stand face to face with snow. Next to me was placed a pedestal with on top of that a crown. It was made out of gold and shaped like a crown of thorns.

   President Snow entered the stage followed by much of applause and cheering. He took the crown from the pedestal, stopped in front of me and smiled coldly, placing the thorned crown onto my head.

“Congratulations, Xanthe,” he said.

“That you,” I answered, staring at him in anticipation.

“That speech was very… strong.”

“It was rushed,” I said. He frowned, maybe thinking I was apologizing for it. But I wasn’t. “If I could’ve spend more time on it, it would’ve been much more impressive.” I tiptoed until my lips reached his ear. “Lan told me, Snow. How people get killed. You can kill me too, I don’t care. That will only speed up the process of your fall.” I leaned back, smiled like an angle for the camera’s and stared him down. In his lip a nerve pulled, then he turned, took my hand and raised it up.

“Xanthe Morningdawn, winner of the 19th Hunger Games!”

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That's all folks, sorry I rushed through this a bit much. Still, I hope you enjoyed it and stuff ^^

One thing before I finish this for good.

I've read the books, seen the movie. It's amazing literature and the movie added a lot of stuff that gives a new dimension to the world of Panem. But I think, and with me Donald Sutherland (Snow) and I dare say a lot of others, it's not just literature. It's an enlarged version of the world today, a dystopia that is very close to our own reality. Think of it. The ridiculous Capitol version, does that not remind you of our piercings, nail polishes, our dyeing our hair, 'enhancing' ourselves with make up to look better, to hide who we truly are? The Games, sponsoring it, it that not like all those televised shows where we vote and deliberately kick others out? Cell phones, facebook and the lack of privacy... have you even noticed the last one? Do you know what happens to the information you put on the internet? Our generation has become weak minded, much like the Capitol creations. Do you remember Katnisses prep team? Octavia, Flavius... do you remember how silly they were and still sweet? That they didn't even get the picture after being hurt by D13? Connext that to our world and try to see the comparison. 

The movie added a new layer of that. Have you for example noticed the 50's style of the kids during the reaping and the uniforms of the  peacekeepers? It's a reference to the 50's books like 1984 (Big Brother is watching you) and Fahrenheid 451 (burn the books, burn the knowledge, keep the people silent). Or have you seen the crown Snow places on Katnisses head? Or that sentence Cato speaks just before he dies. "I am already dead, I always was, wasn't I? ... Is that what they wanted?" 

I know whatever I typed above here does not do justice to what I feel. I need a lot more time to write down what's going on inside my mind and what going on in the world today. But these books are a lot more than just fiction. I hope all of you will consider this and maybe wake up to the world.