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" I used to see the world in shades of gray, until I start to write. "

No one knows what will happen in the next few years, weeks, days or even seconds. There are a lot of unspoken words that I don't dare to say, not even to my best friend Christina.

We've been best friends since I met her in university, three years ago. She is my best friend, and also my editor now. Even though she is the only person I trusted, I'm not sure that I want to say things like my past, perhaps.

Today is Saturday, Christina and I have a plan to meet up in a small cafe around the city, her favorite. I take my coat and lock the door, but then I see him, walking in the hallway with his backpack on his back. Tobias, my neighbor. We live next to each other for a year now, but we completely a stranger. None of us have started a conversation. Perhaps that's my fault, Christina used to said that " You look like someone who try to make people away from you. Like you shut yourself in a room and never let anyone to enter."

Maybe I am.
I try to walk slowly, so I don't need to be in the same elevator with him, but when he reach the elevator, he hold the door open.
He look at me, "Are you going down?" He ask and I nod, stupid.
We live on the 41st floor, it took long enough to reach the lobby. I stand near the door, so I can get out faster.

Is it just my feeling, or he is really staring at me from behind?
I don't know, I don't dare to tilt my head to see him.

I keep hoping that someone will enter the elevator every time we reach each floor, but no it just me and him all the way down to the lobby. I get out first, as I planned but then it's snowing once I get out from the apartment, I stop to wear my coat, but then I see Tobias walking in pass me, he wears his hood, headphones hanging on his neck. I didn't know until I realize that I'm now the one who's looking at him from head to toe.

I take the trains and reach the cafe, Christina already there sipping he coffee. She greets me once she sees me from the across road. Coffee scent spread in the air once I enter, Christina sitting by the big glass window, her laptop is on.

"I don't know what you want for today," Christina says " so yeah, I haven't order anything for you." She says "That's okay, I'll order it myself" I say, I put my bag on the table and order for myself.
Once I return, Christina already have few question to ask to me.
"So, have you continue the next chapter?" She asks "I'm trying." I says " Can I see the previous one?" She ask "I told you, I want to finished everything before I hand it to you to read and edit."I says "At least are you going to tell me what is it about?" Christina ask "Of course, once I finished writing them." I says " Anyway, Do you remember my neighbor?" I says trying to change the topic " Which one? The couple with annoying kids from across you or the sexy dude next to your door?" She ask "No, the couple with annoying kids are going to move out next week." I says "The sexy-dude next door then." She says "Yeah, we were in the same elevator today, surprisingly he talk." I says it's kinda weird to talk about him now. "Of course he talk, he's a person remember?" She says "What was he talking about?" She ask "Nothing, he were just asking whether I'm going downstairs or not." I says while take out my laptop, and trying to distract my thought. "Anyway, I'm going to New York on Wednesday." Christina says "Will ask me to meet his family." She says

Will, Christina's boyfriend she told me they've been together for two years now, but I never met him not even once.
Christina said she met him when she work in her previous job, but then he move to New York. They've been in long distance relationship since then.

We spend that afternoon sitting, working and talking in that cafe. I write something and ask her whenever I need her help, she though the story that I currently working on is the real story for my book, the thing is it isn't. I keep the real story somewhere locked in my house, try to hide it from everyone until I'm finish them. I used to see the world in shades of gray, until I start to write. It's help, to give me busy, to clean my mind, maybe to forget about what happened.

I went back to my apartment before 5, it's the wrong timing because once I reach the lobby, I see him waiting in front the elevator door, waiting for it to reach the lobby. I go straight to take a seat and pretend that I'm checking my bag, looking for something, I don't even know what I'm looking for, just trying to kill the time and let him go upstairs first.

He did enter the elevator and go upstairs first.
Few minutes later I reach my floor and get out from the elevator, shit, what is he doing standing in the hallway?

I try to avoid eye contact when I reach near him, I take the cardkey on my bag but can't find it. "What is it with you and silence?" He suddenly ask "What is it with you with questions," I says stupid.
it took me forever until I find it, it's in my pocket. I open my door and enter my house without another words. few minutes later I heard the sounds of him entering his house.

I hang my coat, and enter the bathroom to fill my bath up with water.
I lay on my bathup with his words echoing in my head
"What is it with you and silence?" He asks me with his deep-manly voice. What is it with me and silence? I ask to myself. I drown myself to the water, only let my nose and eyes above the water. I get out from my bathup and let the water wet the bathroom floor, for a moment I cringe to see my own reflection in the mirror whenever I'm naked, but then I stare at the mirror.

The scars is there, of course it will never disappear. For the rest of my life that thing will stay on my skin, ask a mark, ask a reminder that I'm damage.
I take my shower robe immediately. and I spend the rest of the evening sitting on my couch with hot tea in my hand. It's almost midnight but Im still writing for my book, the one with the real story.

I hear their voices surround me, and it goes off.

I wake up with scream from that nightmares. I take a walk around the building that morning, I'm still wearing my oversized sweater and long pajamas pants. I go to the rooftop part, there is a swimming pool there,but I'm not planning to go on swimming, I just love the sounds of the water when it drops from the small fountain. I walk to the ledge of the rooftop, everything looks small from here, 60th floor. My eyes stare to something far away from me, until I heard footsteps walking behind me.

"Having another nightmares again?" Tobias says walking towards me, I turn my head to the left where he standing. He's wearing a beige short pants, black hoodies and headphones hanging on his neck. "How did you know?" I says, I sounds like someone who hate him so much,I don't. It is just me battling with my own anxiety of talking to a stranger.
" I live next door not a mile away from you." He says "Good to know." I says. "I heard you, screaming again this morning." He says staring at the city view. "That's not the first time." He says standing next to me now. "What was it? " he ask " None of your business." I say " Maybe you should talk to someone about it, Tris" he says I did, for two years I stay in silence. "There's a reason why I keep taking this headphones with me" he says again after the long silence "Not my business." I say and walk away.