Nebulochaotic//PHAN

1.

Third person POV

The smoke filling the air made it almost suffocating, but that's the way he liked it. Silently he hoped it would suffocate him, yet knowing it would only make his mind become even more intoxicating satisfied him for now. Breathing slowly his eyes shut, cutting off the world around him. He couldn't see the world through his eyes like most people, he saw it through his mind.

Every nerve in his body seeking movement, he lay still only taking to time to move his head. He enjoyed this feeling, every emotion just fading away. Oblivious to the damage it's causing him, he won't be able to see that what he doing isn't good for him. It won't help him cope forever, but he doesn't know that. He doesn't want to know, he likes being empty minded.

All he wanted was peace, all he wanted was to get away from it all. To him nothing mattered, not even his family. Nothing else mattered than the blunt in his hand, nothing else mattered than the smoke filled air. He didn't want anything to matter, all he wanted was peace.

Maybe it will always be this way, the brown haired boy can stay in this haze. A haze called Nebulochaotic, a place he can stay safe and calm. Yet some things always catch up to him, no matter how hard he tries to run.

In his mind thoughts were slow, calm like they used to be. Once the haze starts to fade, he gets shaky. His mind starts to race, his breathing starts to hitch. He can't control what happens to himself, self control isn't something he knows.

All he can do is curl into a ball and wait for it to pass, there is not way to stop it. He wishes he could stop it, but how can you stop something when you don't know what caused it. It's only a matter of time before his own body begins to give up on him, he doesn't want to give up silently.

He isn't sober, he is okay with that. He is scared to be sober, he's okay with that. He wants to die, he's okay with that. He is alone, and to him he always will be.

Some call him suicidal, other call him a stoner. He calls himself worthless, insane even. But only one, calls him gay. And suddenly, everything stops.

-StarlightPhanSkies