Life Sucks Sometimes

Sickie.

See, it is the chapter title, that's how you know I won't run away from the truth anymore. I won't hide this fact of my existence any longer, you will not find me defending him any time soon and that is a promise I make unto you reader. I promise a stranger that I am going to be honest and say the facts, all the ones that hurt me and make me feel like less of a person. Whoo, this is gonna suck.

I went to summer orientation before my freshman year, I met a few interesting emo girls quite similar to myself, we grew apart right quick, but hey, I tried. The key item here is the girl Destiny, and how she changed mine. Wordplay. She is a caring individual, it is not her fault at all that she got me in a bad relationship. 

That is a little unclear. There was this boy that I had english one class with, as well as lunch. I had lunch with this boy, the boy being sickie, his best friend Don, an old friend of mine by the name of Hamida, and Destiny. Don's cool, and Hamida is a wonderful person, the only troublemaker there was Sickie, which is kinda ironic because he was actually quiet and sort of stoic in nature, which is what I thought was interesting about him in the first place.

I want to explain something right quick. Okay, so we are all aware that I have some degree of OCD. With this I tend to either oversimplify or over complicate everything, I wish complify was a word so that the sentence would feel better. Now, with simpliy feeling and descriptions of people, I use a five point system of how they are: Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Socially, and Spiritually. And I consider someone attractive based off how they are in relation to those types of traits.

I never found him attractive. Not very attractive at all. He was shorter than me as well as grossly thin and lanky so he wasn't physically attractive, and I was a young (late 13-14 ish years of age) child who had no sexual desires either so I wasn't going for any of that. Mentally I thought, at the beginning at least, that he was a very interesting and intelligent individual since he had this air of intellect. Emotionally, he seemed reserved yet I expected nothing phenomenal, which turned out true. Socially, in terms of how I would be able to spend time with him, we saw each other daily and since all of my friends were gone, I had no life anyways so I really had nothing better to do. Spiritually, he said he was a Satanist, and since I am a Norse Pagan I saw that as a sign that he was an open minded and considerate individual. There are two kinds of Satanists: assholes, and people who genuinely care about the world and want to make things better. I figured he was the good kind. He wasn't any of the positive things I listed. 

OCD peeve the second, do allow me to list. I hate the words latter and former. I hate them. They bring ignorance, I don't ever want to use them. When there is a list of two things being offered and described, then one should respond by saying the object, not the order in which the objects were said. And when someone goes through all this time offering two things, and someone lazily responds "The latter" I feel like they don't understand the decision that they have just made and it is just so infuriating to feel like someone doesn't understand something or doesn't want to. The laziness of words can be the most annoying thing ever. I can't tolerate text talk. Respect your language by following it, even so much as half as well as your religion. Language is the bridge to bestow gods onto an individual, or to tear away and individual from the rest, let us respect our words and start acting like it. Thank you. I'll go back to the story now.

So I was never into him, nor did I see him as interested in me since I was too young in my mind to even think relationships and all that jazz. But he was into me, quite a lot. It was november, and the homecoming dance was later that day, and we were at lunch. We had been moved from our usual table because there were more people that went to fourth period lunch that day, all of them getting tickets to the dance, which were only sold in the lunchroom or otherwise at the event for more money. So I was sitting across from Sickie and it was a small booth table, so Don sat next to Sickie at the end, sort of cornering him into his space, and the girls were standing a distance away muttering to one another. I had no idea why, and so I kept going about my business and had the usual conversation I had with the others at the table. But for some odd reason Sickie was incredibly quiet, and staring at me a lot.