Life Sucks Sometimes

Disease Of The Flesh And Mind

I tried to think of the most brutally dramatic terminology. Don't worry, things get worse! Just in case you might have thought that things got better, nah.

Sophomore year went by rather easily, I remember my friends, and how peaceful it was. I really did start to recover, I was still struggling, but I really developed friendships of my own and that was amazing for me.

Junior year is where things started getting rocky. So by this time my perfume and cologne "Allergy" really had started getting worse, and I had gym daily, so I had to struggle with the situation of girls locker rooms daily. Having minor allergic issues every single day multiple times a day. I started struggling with myself physically and emotionally. Later on in life I'll come to find that this issue affects brain health and has been shown to cause or increase situations such as bipolar depression and other mental issues, lovely.

November of that year (Notice how things turn sour for me in November?), I awoke one day with a start, a pain. A horrible pain in my side. It felt like stabbing with a thin precise needle as well as a large bulky dagger, all while burning and twisting the blades. It was horrible on the first day, and as a girl who was poor, I had no health insurance, I had no manner of getting help. I got my brother to tell my uncle that my kidneys were hurting, because it was a pain that wrapped around my right abdomen with the pin point pain mostly towards the front, but anything that I had to say to get help was more than enough for me, also honestly I didn't know anatomy well.

My uncle quickly came to the house. He is dying of liver and kidney failure as a result of alcoholism, so when he heard kidney pain he thought I was dying. I thought I was dying. I was taken to a minute clinic of CVS, where the doctor kept giving me sideways glances and nodding in a way that made it obvious that they didn't believe a word said, as I watched her type, "Patient claims to not have had sex recently, Fallopian tube pregnancy probable" when I wasn't fucking pregnant. I have no baby now, fucking years later lady. And she recommended I went to the hospital.

My uncle, being a decent human being, immediately said "Okay, we're going to the hospital" Which was not the best idea. My grandmother showed up, she grabbed my father from work, and they were all stressed and upset with me for having pulled them out of their lives and mad at me for being so dramatic about being sick just so I could go to a hospital.

A faint memory comes back to me. I was a young seven or so year old kid, playing in the playground down the street from the house. I liked to play a game with the kids where they would try to get down this big slide and get around me, while I stood on the end and tried to take their shoes. Kids are weird, and I've always been creative so that's really not the most surprising dumb thing I've done, I mean, have you seen my relationship history? Still, we were playing and a kid purposely kicked me in the face, so I fell onto the slide and slid onto the floor, which scraped my knee and hurt my tummy as well as my face. The boy's mother ran up, having not seen him purposely hit my face, and she was so concerned asking if I was okay, I was a kid who just got hit in the face, I was crying a little but I still wanted to play. And my dad walked over because now there was a commotion, and the woman asked me if I was okay, and my dad spoke before I could, "Oh she's fine, she's just a big drama queen." And ever since then for so many years of my life I have fought that so hard, I have tried so hard and haven't gotten very far to prove that I was not a dramatic person, but that my issues are real. And honestly, there will always be people who tell me that I haven't been through enough shit for them to let me speak my piece in any conversation on suffering. Fucking bullshit. I have a voice in my head that says that same fucking thing every time I want to tell someone that I am hurting, and it always holds me back from saying what I really want. But no, according to someone who doesn't know me well, I'm just dramatic. Are you starting to see how insulting and cruel that is? I was a child who was hit in the face, let me cry a little and then go play when I was feeling okay again. Just give the little girl a hug, don't tell her that her feelings aren't important.