"She's with Me"

You're Okay

Cassedy's pov

All of my classes ended around an hour ago. Not like it mattered, I wasn't in class. I was sat with Ace crying my eyes out in the girls bathroom. When he drove me home, he still managed to have a type of physical contact with me to make sure I was okay. Like his hand running up my arm in a soothing manner. I continue to do these things. What was my reason for crying? Why was I mad at him? He was just trying to help.

I sigh and lean further against he head of my bed.

He went to the extent of fighting someone for me. Me.

I wasn't worth it. I was anything but, and I still am. He's a type of guy a girl needs. Someone to back you up, support you, care for you. But not me. He can't be mine. Not after Matteo..I'm finished with relationships..not after what happened. Waking up every morning and throwing on this mask that will alter my face..it's just exhausting. I wish I had the will or the strength to talk about it, but I can't. Instead it stays with me. Keeps me up at night. Petrified. Petrified of what people will think when they find out. If they find out..I mean it's only a matter of time before Matteo starts running his mouth. What will Lauren think? My heart began to patter faster than normal. And Ace? what will Ace th—

"Hey" a soft knock at me bedroom door, acquainted by a very gentle Lauren

"Hi" I give a faint smile, my voice cracked as I said it

"I heard about what happened..you know. With Ace" making her way to me, she sits at my side on the bed. I nodded, not really knowing if I could verbalized anything at this point, the way my mind was racing.

"So..what's going through that little head of yours?" She tapped the side of my temple lightly. I opened my mouth as if I to speak, by nothing came out. And I knew why.
Should I tell her? Could I tell her? No—I couldn't.. I can't even accept what happened myself, let alone tell someone else. I was staring into Lauren's face, but I couldn't see her. I don't know what I was seeing. Was it blank white space—? or a dark black abyss? I couldn't tell, I was only contemplating after all. Wether to tell my best friend what had happened to me last year..or make up an excuse like always and hope she couldn't see through my lies. I'm sure she could always tell though—when I was lying I mean, but she'd never say anything. She was more of the "get by it and have fun type" that sit down and chat for a couple hours. Though we have had many of those days, I still don't know if I'm ready to even talk about it. Maybe that's why I lashed out on Ace so hard...I saw him taking control and standing up for what he cared about. Which somehow, as hard to believe as it was—was me. He cared about me and I couldn't—can't let this happen again. Relationships. They destroy everything and leave everything a mess, and I can't do that to Ace. No. Not to him. He's a good guy he deserves better. Better than me.

As if on cue, my phone rings, the repetitive vibration disrupting my thoughts.

I picked it up and an immediate voice cut me off before I could even breathe,

"I'm coming over—" and that was it. The dead dial tone hummed in my ear and I sat..in shock and completely oblivious as to what is going on.

Lauren furrowed her eyebrows "Ace?" She said and I nodded "what did he say so quickly?"

"He said he's coming over.." I stood up

"Why? Did you invite him over earlier?" She followed my action, standing up aswell.

"No..I hadn't talked to him since—" I cut myself off "since, uh, a couple hours ago" continuing, remembering how I'd shouted at him.