Heartless Criminal (Royce)

Chapter 42

Jacob

I waited outside on the porch listening to E and Santo fuss back and forth. I pressed my ear closer to the door as E began to speak.

"Get yo shit together. He loves you but all you see is an addict. Be honest. Like everyone else you see an addict. not a loving person who was once there before, you killed those same people because that's what you really feel inside, you just don't want it getting back to Jacob."

After those words were said there was dead silence. I took a deep breath and saw Angel pull up in her car. I quickly ran towards the car and got in putting on my seatbelt.

"What's wrong, you look like you're about to cry. Who I gotta kill ?" She asked all in one sentence. I chuckled and shook my head.

"No one. I'm fine." I started smiling. I wasn't fine but I wasn't about to cry either. I didn't have anymore tears left to do so. As we drove to the mall she talked to me her new boyfriend. I was happy for her.

"Jacob I really like him. I told him everything that has ever happened to me and he still wants to be with me" she said. I looked at her eyes and saw that same spark I use to see when I looked at Chres.

"At least one of us is happy with their significant other." I chuckled

"What happened with you and that guy Chres." She asked without taking her eyes off the road

"I just feel he doesn't love me the same. He's always trying to keep me in the house, and every chance he gets to throw a low blow at me he takes it. It's like he wants me to keep falling, he's not even trying to pick me back up." I stated.

"You're not back on drugs are you ?" She asked. I zoned out and thought about all the times I really thought of going back to it. She snapped her fingers in my face making me snap back into reality.

"Jacob I know damn well your ass is not ba-" I cut her off. "I'm not, I'm just tempted sometimes, you know, all these emotions that I have are so overwhelming and sometimes I really want an escape rout." I explained

As much as I hated to say it I missed the high of the drugs. I was on top of the world whenever I was high. I didn't have to worry about people kidnapping me or my mom not really caring about me or Chresanto slowly drifting away from me. It was my happy place at the time. She parked in a parking spot in front of the mall and sighed.

"I know Jacob. Trust me I do, but you have to find something else like yoga, or painting, or drawing, or something. Drugs aren't your friends Jacob. they're out to destroy you and you can't let them. Drugs don't make you happy if anything they make you worse. Drugs won't make Chresanto fall in love with you anymore than he has, and they won't make you as happy as you were before. they'll only make you feel the exact opposite." She said holding my hand. I smiled and nodded.

"Chres didn't want me to hang out with you today. He said your probably more fucked up in the head than I am." I said.

"I don't care what he says about me Jacob cause no one will ever understand what we went through. Of course he's not gonna see me as a friend to you and I'm not mad at him for that. If I was him I wouldn't want you to hang out with me either."

"But he still shouldn't be quick to judge you before he knew you. I feel like he just wants to keep me away from everybody, and he's ashamed of me. He doesn't want me to see or be with anyone." I said getting out the car.

"He's just trying to take care of you ok. He wants to make sure you're alright. You said he lost all his family right ?" She asked. I nodded.