30-Something Reality

Loosing Ground

Siren's P.O.V.

It was the middle of the night and I couldn't sleep. It was 1:03 am on Saint Patrick's Day and today would have been Nicole's 30th birthday and 9 years of sobriety. I could not help but to  remember finding her in her room back in college.  I had found the door sitting wide open and knew something just wasn't right. I found her out cold and still undressed from the apparent attack. The moment I realized that her door was sitting wide open and Hades was in the hallway I called campus security.  I looked around and saw that they had broken a snake aquarium that sat by the door to Nicole's room. Hades was her best friend and very fun to play with. He was a 5 foot black rat snake and I loved getting to hold him when she cleaned his cage out.

But on this day 9 years ago I saw him out of his cage and it lay shattered around him. The door wide open and I knew something just was beyond wrong. I was returning from taking my Psychology mid term. And as I was walking on my floor and down to my hall way with my residential advisor room and Nicole's room; I just felt like something wasn't right. I turn the final corner to see the mess of Hades home in shards and him curled around his little house as it lay in the hallway and he is just far enough away from the light not to get cooked on his tale. I drop my books and run over to pick him up. I pull him into my hands and check for any cuts from the glass. "I've got you my friend. Auntie Sarah is here." I tell him as I kiss the top of his head and pull him closer into my arms to calm myself and him. I make sure there are no cuts on him and pull him up to my neck as he slowly curls around my neck for safety.

I slowly walk into the room and see Nicole's set up for her heroin kit just scattered every where. I knew she was bad off; but the scene in her room was much worse than I imagined when I saw her naked, beaten and with the belt still around her arm.

As Hades stay curled around my neck I pulled the belt loose from her arm and checked for a pulse... Nothing... "No... You're not going to get away with leaving me here like this." I started CPR as I started praying that the campus security guard had gotten the message to get here.

Suddenly I flash back as I feel someone put their hand on my shoulder. "Siren?" Jared looked at me more lost than I had ever seen him look. He knew I was destroyed. "Are you okay sweets?"

"Everyone keeps dying around me Jared. You may not want to get to much closer." I pulled away from him and lit a cigarette and turned my back on him once again. "I won't cost my sister another man."

Just then I feel him turn me around and pull me into his arms. It was the tightest embrace that I could not have imagined finding a way out of so I tried to physically push him away form me.... "No! I'm tired of loosing people!" I screamed. "I refuse to let one more person die because I got too close to them!" I was in tears and just couldn't stand any more. I feel to my knees and threw my burning cigarette on the ground. I pulled my hands to my face and just bawled.

"We're not letting go of you Siren." Jared put his hands on mine and pulled them away from my face as he lifted my chin to force me to look into his eyes. "I'M not letting you push me away." He softly wiped the tears from my eyes. "You can't tell me you forgot already that you are the only woman that I could have ever loved so much to fight some bastard stalker off for right?" He flashed that classic Jared smirk. "You are going to get through this my Siren. And in just about 2 weeks you are going to marry some crazy ass drummer that was kind of a stalker too." He chuckled. "But I think If you remember correctly, I fought him for you too."

At that moment I stopped fighting in my head and actually looked up at Jared. Those blue eyes destroyed my will to run and made me want to fight to come back from the fear. What power did that man hold over me?

Jared was the most tender man I had ever met. Besides his brother that is, which still boggled my mind. And I think it still was in the back of Jared's mind too. Just at this moment he stopped and looked me in the eyes... "Siren, I won't loose you! I refuse! I know you're loosing ground in your head, and that you are doing nothing but thinking of Nicole and how you could have saved her. Don't let yourself get to so lost that I can't fight to bring you back. I'm never going to give up on you. I refuse!"

I could feel the tears falling down my face as I let it all go and curled up into Jared arms and cried. I feel him pulling me in to his arms as I hear him whispering to me the lyrics to The Kill.

SHANNON'S P.O.V.

I feel so lost as I watch my brother once again being the man to put my Siren back together. Jeanette and I stand at the door as I hold her as she is crying as well. I wonder what part is killing her more? The pain that she can't help Siren or that Jared is the only one who can? I just hold her as we watch Siren crumble.