Keep the Storm Clouds Back

Now It's Cold Inside

I cautiously leaned back a little, unsure of what I should do next. Before I could decide though, Steven answered my silent question. He held my hands in his and leaned his head down. I could feel his soft golden brown hair brush against my wrists. A tiny sob escaped his lips and I wondered why on Earth he could be crying. Why would he possibly cry over me? Why would anyone, cry over me?

"Sandra..." Steven sighed. "You're so beautiful...in every way imaginable. Please don't ever even think about hurting yourself again, okay?" 

He looked up at me with tears in his eyes, awaiting a response. 

"Okay?" He persisted, when I didn't answer him. 

Now I was the one crying. Tears stained my cheeks and landed on both my shirt and his hands. I didn't know how to feel. I had kept this a secret from everyone and tried to make myself stop. I hadn't touched a razor in about three months and I had promised myself in the past, many times, that I'd never do it again. But lately things had taken a turn for the worse in my life, and I was struggling to keep myself from satisfying the urge that had seeded itself deep within me. 

"Steven, I've tried to stop before...and I haven't cut for three months. But it seems like...like as soon as I make progress, I always...fuck up" I said, crying.

He hugged me so tight I almost fell backward. He rocked me back and forth until I couldn't cry anymore. It felt like I melted into him every time we hugged. He finally pulled back and looked into my eyes, arms still around my waist, and smiled that beautiful, huge smile of his. 

"I'm gonna make sure you never feel like that again Sandra. I'm going to make you so happy that every day, as soon as your eyes open, you smile and think to yourself how beautiful you are and how much you love the world. I want you to spend the rest of your life smiling and laughing, alright?" He looked into my eyes, with the most serious expression on his face. “I promise”.

I couldn't hold back anything now. I stood up and smiled, crying. No one had ever shown me sympathy let alone tried to help me. But Steven was different and I could not understand why he felt the way he did about me. He followed me to the door and took my hand in his. As I put my arm out to reach for the doorknob, he stopped me. I looked up to him and smiled internally, just glad that I could see him.

"Guess what?" He whispered.

"What?" I asked, cautiously.

A smile spread itself across his cheeks and he whispered, "I love you" in the crook of my neck. 

I shivered at the feeling of his breath against my skin and smiled internally, still crying externally. 

Outside of the hotel room life seemed to have gone on as normal. Jim was sitting at the counter reading a magazine and smoking. The band was sitting around just talking, and it was still snowing outside. 

"I'm glad to see you're smiling" Joey said, interrupting his and Tom's conversation. 

Jim took notice of Joey’s comment. He looked up and glared at Steven, then went back to whatever it was he was reading so intently. I don’t think Steven noticed this, but I did, and struck me as odd.

Joe and Tom looked at each other, clueless. Obviously Joey hadn't told them what he'd discovered about me and I loved him for that. I loved that no one was making a big deal out of this.

I looked to Steven, who still had his arm around me, and said, "Yeah...I think I'm gonna be alright". 

"What was wrong?" Tom asked.

"She was jus feeling a little...down, that's all" Steven answered for me. 

I went to sit down next to Brad and invited Steven to follow.

“Has anyone heard anything about the weather? Is it gonna clear up any time soon?” Brad asked us all.

Everyone looked at each other, and Brad nodded knowingly. Of course no one had. The cable was still not coming in, the phone lines were still down, you couldn’t get a radio to come in, and you definitely couldn’t use wifi. We were secluded in this little motel indefinitely.

I looked up at Jim, who was keeping quiet. I thought it was a little strange how he was staying out of everything, asking no questions and not chiming in anyone’s conversation.

“You alright Jim?” I asked.

His eyes moved up to look at me only briefly and he nodded quickly, mumbling something I couldn’t understand. Then he was right back to his magazine, ignoring us all. I was getting bored quickly. I think we all were, and Steven picked up on it.

“Guys,” he started, “We have to find something to do. Why don’t we play a game or something?”

I chuckled, then realizing that whatever Steven had in mind would definitely be better than sitting in an uncomfortable chair all day, sighing.

“Like what?” Joe asked.

Steven thought for a minute before answering. “Hide and seek?”

I started laughing; beyond surprised that Steven would suggest playing hide and seek.

“What the fuck are you talking about Steven?” Joe asked, laughing himself.

Steven leaned forward in his seat. “I’m serious man, Sandra here is practically a little kid compared to us...so it’s kinda like we’re babysitting. Let’s make sure she has some fun” Steven said.

I smiled at how unbelievably sweet he could be. 

“Alright”, Joe surrendered, laughing a little.

But suddenly Jim stood up from his secluded little desk and started assigning roles to each of us. I was surprised at how he quickly he started taking control of things. He had an air of arrogance about him as well, like there was something he wanted to do, and this game was a key element of it.

“I’ll count, and Sandra’ll hide. All you’ll all hide, too, okay? And I’ll count to...oh, I don’t know, a hundred. The rules are: no one’s allowed to hide outside and...” he paused to think of another. “No one can hide with anyone else. Y’all gotta be on your own”.

With that, we all stood up to try and find hiding places. Before running off down the hall, Steven placed a light kiss on my cheek and winked. Then he disappeared and I got down to business. I had a good idea of where to hide in mind. I think, being the closest to the age of a child, I would probably still have the best skills at this game. I quickly ran to my predetermined hiding spot, in the back room where Jim had retrieved things the day before.

The back room was pretty narrow and dimly lit. It looked roughly like any of the other motel rooms here, except there was a large filing cabinet with papers falling out of it, and a mini fridge that looked to be about thirty years old.

I found my way to the bathroom and cringed at its appearance. The sink had two men’s razors on it and was covered in beard hair. Used towels were strewn across the floor and clothes accompanied them. I stepped over them; Jim’s muffled counting ringing in my ears. I finally made my way to his shower, which was surprisingly clean.

“Bet it’s only ‘cause he never showers” I muttered to myself, jokingly.

I stepped inside and relaxed against the cold blue tiles. I sighed as I heard the bead curtain that led to the back room being shoved aside.

I kept absolutely quiet as footsteps neared the bathroom. My heart was pounding so fast, and although I knew that this was only a game, an eerie chill of fear ran down my spine.

Whoever it was came one step closer and I wondered if it was Jim, about find me, or some other unsuspecting person looking for a hiding place. But I wasn’t about to find out and risk losing the game.

The next sixty seconds happened faster than I could imagine. Time seemed to merge into one sequence, flashing by my eyes faster than it actually happened. The footsteps quickened to a running pace and the person shot into the bathroom and ripped back the shower curtain where I was hiding. In the last second, I screamed in shock, and then fell to the shower floor as something hard and heavy struck my temple. All went black.