White Lily - A Peter Pan Fanfiction [2/3]

Chapter 5

The walk towards the shop felt incredibly long – longer than what it surely was. My mind was full of doubt, full of regret and second-guessing, but also longing. There was no denying that I missed him, but that had been pushed aside so far into my mind that I'd practically forgotten it was there...until now.

But I wasn't going for a happy, kissy reunion. I needed answers and most of all, the truth. Proof of what Felix was saying and just...maybe even a damn apology? I didn't know what to expect, I never did when it came to Peter and his ego.

My hands were shoved into my coat pocket, my eyes deciding so stare ahead and refusing to look at anyone – anything; I felt as emotionless as the people around me.

Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I my feet paused for a moment as I finally saw the store front. Am I doing the right thing? Honestly, I had no idea but how worse could my "existence" get? I was dead after all.

With every footstep that brought me closer, I could feel my chest tightening and memories on the verge of spilling out...but despite it all, the past had happened and there was no changing it. I didn't even have a future at this rate. And Felix...I could see the emotion in his eyes – it was the glistening shimmer in them and his words that made me realise – well, whatever it was that had brought me to the shop.

No, that was a lie. I knew what I had realised.

I was wrong. About what I thought I knew, about my past and most of all, I was wrong...about Peter Pan.

+++

[Feel free to play the music now if you wish ^.^] My hand pushed against the door and it opened with a chime, the single bell dangling above my head. It seemed as if he wasn't even here, the store being completely empty with nothing but trinkets and strange furniture. The blinds were closed, allowing the red hue outside to darken the room and give it a stronger red tinge.

"How many times do I have to tell you? My answer is –" Pan was rambling and looking down at some sort of pocket-watch device before he looked up.

Since my death, he finally saw me...and I finally saw him. His eyes were full of amazement, confusion, sadness – it was strange to see so much feelings washed over his face in a place where living emotions shouldn't even exist. Pan's bottom lip dropped in awe and I clenched my jaw, clearing my throat as I took a few steps forward; my hands dug themselves further into the pockets. It felt so strange and odd so see him with slicked hair and presented in a suit. I was so accustomed to his Neverland attire, of course, that it momentarily surprised me. He looked good.

"Serena," he said softly, as if he was still trying to realise that I was there. I forced a smile and gulped again, shrugging a bit.

"Hello, Peter," I returned the words as quietly as he had done so. I watched as his eyes fell to the table and he slowly placed the golden device onto it; his Adam Apple bobbed. "I...I spoke to Felix." I decided to not hesitate and linger anymore. After all, I was there for answers and not a sentimental reunion...but as much as I tried to convince myself of that...

His eyes met mine again but he didn't reply – he waited for me to continue on, which was something Pan would rarely do. Not pondering on it further, I cleared my throat for a second time and continued on. "I want to know the truth."

Pan took a deep breath and lifted his chin just a bit, suddenly intrigued. Keeping himself presented well, he didn't slouch nor lean against anything. His back was straight and his hands were now politely behind his back. His entire look baffled me to the point where I was struggling to find my words. I'd seen him so laid back and messy – seeing him dressed well...focus, Serena. "Why did you manipulate me?"

I could see his neck twitch and tighten, his face suddenly straining – it was barely visible, but I noticed it – centuries of being with him made me notice every small detail about this boy. He didn't reply for a long while and I wasn't in a rush, so I gave him the time. His head dropped and his lips pursed together – he was battling something from within.

"Back then, I..." he started but paused, taking a deep breath. "I only cared about –"

"Peter." I didn't harshly cut in, I merely said his name softly, as if to remind him I didn't need an explanation. I needed an answer.

"I thought you had the Heart –"

"We've talked about this already –"

"Please, let me speak," he cut me off and I blinked a couple of times: it was my turn to me surprised. He never used to be so polite nor determined in a non-forceful way. He started walking out from behind the counter and I didn't move – I let him slowly approach me.

"I had one goal back then and that was to live forever, no matter the cost," he started and I bit my tongue, holding back and letting him speak. "I knew you had something to do with the Heart and that ultimately meant my survival. I only thought about myself and I know you know that." I lowered my head and clenched my jaw. Peter, you're making this harder than what it already is. "Serena, I..."

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the memories of my past – both the good and the bad, all affiliated with the person standing before me.

"Why?" I strangled out the word, my eyes brimmed with tears. "Why did you use me?" I said the words louder this time, my determination getting to the better of me.

"I was selfish!" he yelled and I didn't flinch; I merely stared into his watery eyes. "I only thought about ME because I struggled to understand how someone could love me. And you did!"

I forced my eyes shut again, rolling back my lips. The memory was so clear: sitting by the logs, Pan angry at me due to his disbelief of my love, calling himself a monster. And how did I reply? 'You're not a monster'. I could feel my bottom lip twitching, the back of my throat stinging – and that's when I felt gentle fingers place themselves against my cheek, causing my eyes to open and a tear to fall. I was the one who was struggling now: I was stuck between two pasts. "When you died, I realised I had lost the only meaning to my life. It wasn't to live forever. It was to live with you...and I was too late."

I swallowed down the lump in my throat and peeled his hand from my cheek. I took his hand in my own, holding it tightly. My eyes didn't look at him but rather our enclosed fingers.

"No, Peter. It's not too late," I said softly. Smiling just a little, a felt this weight lift off my chest. I closed the gap between us and wrapped my arms around his torso, snuggling my head underneath his neck. His arms didn't hesitate to hug me back and for the first time since being in the Underworld, I felt warmth, I felt...relieved, and I guess that lead to happiness. I closed my eyes again, feeling his embrace and soaking up every moment of it.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am," he said and I smiled, remembering how he'd only apologised one other time. I forgive you. I always will. But this time, the weight it carried was far more important and special to me. I didn't hesitate in saying the next words. 

"I love you, Peter."

I waited, just like I had done so all those times in Neverland. But this time, I finally got to hear it back, genuinely and fully.

"I love you too, Serena."