Falling

Ryland

"Why not?" She said, and when she smiled, my heart kind of stuttered. Pull it together Ryland. I told myself, and gestured for her to lead the way.

She was an easy person to talk to and I learned more about her in the hour we spent walking around than I had ever really known about a person. I knew now that she hated spiders, feared swimming in the ocean, missed home, missed her friends, and most importantly, loved to paint.

I told her everything interesting about me too, although I hesitated at one point.

"I guess there's not much," I said pausing. "I used to travel up until a couple years ago. We went all over, Europe, India, Japan. But...we took some time off from our travels and now I'm here," I said, opening my arms to gesture to the California landscape. I hoped I didn't give away anything in my forced smile.

"Are you okay? You can tell me anything, it's not like I have friends here to tell," she said, friendly concern overlaying her voice. I had only known her for a couple hours, but I felt like she could be trusted.

"I guess, there's one thing I've left out. It's kind of a bad memory though, one of the main reasons I moved here." I said, cautiously, waiting to see how she would respond.

"Hey, it's okay if you aren't ready, we can talk about it another time of you want," she suggested, and I breathed a sigh of relief. She seemed to really care; and thought for the first time that maybe I could have told someone, that they-she- would understand what I'd been through. But as usual I felt myself pulling back, reminding myself not to get to close or too attached. I felt that letting people in too far too fast could only lead to heartbreak for everyone involved; and she seemed far to valuable to let something as stupid as my screwed up past ruin what we had started- or that I had imagined we had started.

"Thanks," I told her, closing my eyes briefly and internally cursing myself for putting up my walls yet again.

After that, we walked in comfortable silence, neither feeling forced to say anything. I knew this was what has been missing from my life- easy, uncomplicated, friendship. And though I knew it probably wouldn't last long, and maybe we didn't even know each other enough to call this friendship, I got the sense that we both somewhat needed this connection. And hey, fate seemed to keep on throwing us together so who was I to question it?

We ambled down the road as the sun sank lower on the golden horizon. We finally reached our respective homes, but both somewhat sensed the feeling that we weren't quite ready to part. So we lingered by our doorsteps, making small talk and telling each other random bits and pieces of our lives.

"So I guess this is goodnight? Hopefully we see each other soon," she said, sounding vaguely nervous.

"I wouldn't wish it any other way, I'll text you tomorrow?" I told her; checking one last time that the digits I entered into her phone were in the correct order, and when she nodded, I realized I didn't know what to do now.

So, going with my impulse decision, I pulled her in for a quick hug, her arms wrapping instinctively around my torso. The hug was short but sweet; we parted, and instead of an awkward silence as I'd expected, I felt oddly at home for the first time since I'd moved. She gave me a look which I couldn't decipher, but before I could say anything more, she said a rushed "goodnight, Ryland," and turned towards her door. I did the same and with one last look, went into my house.

*****

Hoping everyone was asleep, I was startled when someone asked me, "who was that?" From the kitchen, my mother stepped out into the hallway I'd just walked into. Crap, here goes the explanations. I said to myself and prepared for the barrage of questions that would inevitably ensue.

"I'm glad you've met someone here to spend time with," she said warmly, surprising me. "I don't want to meddle, I want you to figure this one out in your own, she looks nice though," she continued; I was shocked that she was so chill about this. The mischievous look in her eyes gave away her act, and I rolled my eyes.

"Come on mom, just spill it, you're dying to ask me all the details," I teased, baiting her.

To no surprise she took the bait. "Okay okay, I tried, but you know me too well. Come on then tell me all of it," she exclaimed, shaking her head in her defeat.

We sat at the counter drinking mint tea, a favorite of my mothers, and I told her about my few- but still meaningful- run ins with this new person who I already thought of as a close friend. How have we only talked for a few hours and yet I already feel so connected to her? I asked myself, but at the same time I was filled with fear at the thought. In my experience, letting people in only turned out badly for me, and I could not let what happened two years ago happen again; because this time it could destroy me.

*****

A/N: Hope you're enjoying this so far!! Leave me comments! ;) what do you think happened in Ryland's past that he's so worried to share??