Welcome to my life

Chapter 5 - Uncontrollable

"Dear Elexa,

the memories we had shared to us is now history,

once soul sisters, now we're nothing.

You made me get through my problems, now your gone,

I realize I am no longer to be able to control my actions...

I pushed the loved ones away. You were right about everything.

I'm shocked on how you stayed with me so long.

You were a person everybody wanted, and...I pushed that person away. You.

I'm going to miss you...Elexa. As I said...I can't control my actions.

Goodbye...

From Zelda...xxx"

Not being able to read what I had wrote, as tears drown the paper making the ink not being able to understand. I didn't know what was happening, my body wouldn't stop shaking. I didn't know what I was doing anymore.

I was going crazy.

I can see it.

Steadily walking to the kitchen cup boards searching for sleeping pills my foster mother had when she had some difficult break up problems not being able to sleep. Happened around 2 months ago, she is handling it well. I mean...The alcohol is handling it well. She never wanted my help.

Few minutes later, finally found the stupid pills. I ran upstairs, down the hall, turning right at the second door entering the bathroom. I thought for a second "is this what I want?.." still holding the letter in my right hand with the pills. Opening the shower curtain. My shower was shaped and curved into a bath at the back of the bath room. The counter was next to the bath around my hips and I was about 5'7' in height. Average. It had a very sharp edge, hurt like hell when you knocked yourself on it, nearly tearing. There was no mat on the tiled floor, so it can be very slippery hopping out of the bath after showering.

Placing the little note on the side of the counter, I stepped into the back and hopped my other leg over. Twisting the sealed lid, opening easily, maybe too easy for kids safety. Seeing only 12 pills out of 30 gone I was humbled. "What has my foster Mother been doing?" I thought. Was she trying to kill herself? I wouldn't be able to make contact with her body, it would be bearable.

O-My-God.

Stop thinking negative thoughts.

It's only going to get worse.

Depression.

Anxiety.

Suicide.

Too late.

Already happening.

I already had taken two pills, along with another 3. That's six...another six more to go.

Feeling absolutely happy about myself. Doing what I have wanted to do for years ever since my mother had run away...I started to get panick attacks and very bad anxiety then came depression when my dad died...making me move into a foster mother who was a stranger to me. Painfully not being able to see your own dads funeral...he made me. If it wasn't for him and my mother...I wouldn't be here. I just had wished she ran away earlier so I wouldn't have to live a miserable life.

I started to feel dizzy throughout my body. It was like I was drunk, everything was moving. I nearly dropped all the pills I had in my hand from slipping but being able to control myself unexpectedly.

I shoved the rest of them in my mouth, swallowing every one of them.

Yum.

I instidtly collapsed, hitting the back of my head on the corner of the counter from slipping in the bath.

Ouch.

knocking myself out from the fall and overdosing on the pills.