The Unbearable Weight of Sand - NaruGaa

'Fixing' Things

Gaara

I sat facing away from him, mulling over the day's earlier events, which kept playing in my head like some disturbing horror film.

Blood.  So much blood.  It wasn't so much the blood that bothered me, considering I practically bathed in it with sick pleasure as a child, it was who the blood had belonged to, and that it should have simply remained in his body.  It belonged there, pumping through his veins, instead of...

I shuddered as the flashes of memory assaulted my mind. 

On the ground, on the wall, pooling in my lap.

Had I left it there, which I did not, thankfully, it would have looked like a murder scene.

It almost was, and if I had actually went through with what I had wanted at that moment, he would have soon followed me in death.  That was a certainty that left me feeling colder than I cared to admit, even to myself.

The events kept replaying in my mind, the emotions, the panic, all that blood.

I clenched my eyes shut, willing the thoughts away but to no avail.

The sand continued to condense, forming spikes, many of them. If most failed, at least a few would be able to penetrate my barriers. I hardened them, formed them out of the hardest materials of my sand that I had in my gourd. Soon, soon my torment would end. I would go back to that lonely hell from before, just so as not to deal with life anymore. Naruto...

It was over.

He would never look at me again.

He would hate me. Fear me.

I would fall back into the darkness.

I had to destroy the monster that was me.

Now.

I readied them, gathering my chakra so as to move them quicker than my ultimate defense. Then a weight landed in my lap, heavy, it hissed and clung to the clothes at my hips, then wrapped itself around my abdomen. I felt my muscles tense and my world came crashing down around me as I opened my eyes to the bundle of blond hair and tan skin quivering in my lap. It didn't take long to take in a ragged looking clone where I had left him, who in seeing its objective was done, fell to the ground and disappeared. At the end of a large trail of blood which pooled in small sections between me and where I had attacked him.

So much...

So much BLOOD.

His.

HIS!

My entire body shuddered in waves.

I deserved pain.

I needed it.

I couldn't stop the sounds that left my mouth, my body shuddering at the need to die, but he only held onto me tighter, his fingers turning into fleshy daggers that dug into my sand armor. "Gaara."

I felt my stomach heave at the very sound of his voice. He sounded like death itself, pained, far too quiet and raspy. "I'm fine, don't you worry, ok?"

I gave out a half sob as my emotions came back tenfold with the sound of his voice, I grabbed onto his shoulders and I tried to shove him off of me. I deserved my punishment for this. "Get off me." I pleaded with him.

Let me die.

My fingers gripped harder on his shoulders and I was finally able to budge him slightly.