The Unbearable Weight of Sand - NaruGaa

Silence

Naruto

I'm not sure how long I slept afterwards, but I was the first to wake. I was still tangled into his legs and I found myself half laying on him. It only took me a couple of minutes of just watching the steady rise and fall of his chest that I realized that he was asleep and that was fact alone was an important one.

Gaara was asleep. From anything I knew, he never did even after he had his demon removed. He had never mentioned why, I always just figured it was something he had just gotten used to after all that time and his body just refused or something. Heck, on the way here Kankuro had confirmed that a little when he was in his 'resting' state or whatever while we were headed to the desert. I looked up to his face and I smiled at the sight. He was fully relaxed, his lips slightly parted as he drew in breath and exhaled. I had to be one of the few, if not the only person who had the pleasure of watching him sleep. It was amazing to see.

I settled back down, he was hard and a bit uncomfortable, probably from all that sand he constantly covered himself in, but he was warm. He was breathing. I could even hear his heartbeat from where my head lay on his chest. I breathed him in, a strange scent really, one of sand, spice and a slight tinge of blood. I curled my fingers around his waist wondering how much of that smell was from my own blood. I hoped I had done enough. Enough to help remove that memory. Pain, I could deal with and honestly I had dealt with worse.

But the thought that I had not only forced Gaara to give me his purity and innocence, but that I had managed to do it so it would scar him, it was that thought I couldn't bear. So when I woke and found I had so little time left to somehow make things ok, I did the only thing I could think of.

Maybe it wasn't that great of an idea, but damn.

That was freaking amazing. Seriously weird feeling, really weird, but damn. A shiver run down my spine as the memory lingered in my mind. Really, really amazing.

That fact, the fact that it was possibly, no, it WAS the most intense pleasure I had experienced in my life made me feel extremely guilty. The experience was meant for him, and yet it seemed I had used him to fulfill my own ends.

I had used him.

A lump formed in my throat. It was true. No matter the excuse I used for that, it was true. I had taken advantage of him. He was still feeling guilty from what had happened, he didn't know that it was all stemmed from me.

And I did that to him. I vaguely remembered him muttering something about not working and my stomach flopped. Had he really never even experienced a hard on before? Nah, his body reacted to me far to easily for that. Still though...

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I really didn't want to think about it. This dream, it would be over soon, far too soon. Then life would continue, and this would only be a lonely memory.

And hopefully, we would return to our friendship somehow.

But I didn't want to think about that. Or the possibility that he would never want to talk or see me again. Most likely when he ever found out the truth about what had happened here.

I really didn't want to think about that.

Rise and fall. Rise and fall. His chest moved in a slow rhythm to his breathing. He seemed so calm. So warm. I clung to him, clung to this warm feeling that I couldn't really place that spread throughout my chest. It sort of felt like I had just drank some hot ramen broth, that first few sips where the warmth would just comfortably sit there a moment. I was overwhelmed by the intense desire for this moment to never end. Just to be here, with him.