In The Shadows

7

I looked out the window cradling Ariana and scowled when another baby cried loudly waking up my Ari. She looked like Emmaline but I knew I had people at home.

In Vancouver they'd be waiting. I looked in the mirror. For an asshole, the guy got my hair right. It was completely blue again and really light at that.

Ariana was held close to me as I walked off the plane and saw them. A huge group of people.

"Oh my god?! Josh!" Someone said and ran up to me. It was my mom. "I-I- I didn't know what to think.. Oh my baby!" She hugged me then saw Ariana. "This must be the Ari you mentioned! Finally you give me a grandchild." She said.

Emmaline would be smiling at me from heaven for introducing Ariana to my parents. "This is Ariana Nicky Ramsay," I replied and showed my mom and dad. My mom had tears in her eyes and she smiled at me when she held Ariana,

I was actually happy to be home, but the one person I'd hoped to see wasn't there. "Mom? Where's A-" I was engulfed in a dogpile by the three goofballs that were once my bandmates.

"Holy shit Ramsay!" Matt said. Of course my bandmates gave me a huge group hug. "A lots changed I see." My mom was holding Ariana.

"Where's Amanda?" I asked and everyone went quiet for a second.

"Josh she loved you so much," Matt said. "She moved on but she heard the news and rushed back to Vancouver."

"Matt I or,jnally planned to make the trip back with my.. My ex wife Emmaline. I married while I was gone." I swallowed an acid lump. "Amanda should just... I'll show her Ariana and stuff but I moved on too."

"Josh she still loved you," Matt said. "Which reminds me." I saw one of my sisters named Shelly come over holding someone on a leash. Bennie!

Bennie wagged expectantly and I bent down to her level, and I got many more hellos and welcome backs.

I didn't know that Celestia was right. Of course news people started taking pictures and I felt kinda scaredy.

I didn't notice Tux or Anenomie when I went to my apartment, mom wanted to spend time with her precious newly discovered granddaughter, until I saw Tux dart from behind a corner. I still had my key. "Hey Tux," I said. I stared at the spare bedroom and thought for a second.

If Ariana remembers anything about Emmaline, she'll have no pictures of her to remember her by. I made some calls and sure enough, I got Celestia to mail me the photos of Emmaline. The angel that sat atop her dresser holding a beautiful ruby with Emmaline carved into the stone, with the other angel with a emerald stone for Ariana and my birth stone, a amethyst in another angel's hands, for me. It was a Christmas gift from Emmaline's grandparents who worked in the handicraft business. They were very talented.

I'd miss them so much. I still would. Emmaline's grandfather was a musician back in the 40's and told me a lot about old music. I'd learned a ton from him.

I sat there waiting for Anenomie to appear, then I realized and a feeling sank in that made me cry. Anenomie was gone and I couldn't stop it.

Suddenly, I felt someone rub against my leg. It was Tux, purring and loving me up a ton. "Tux, who's gonna be your best friend now?" I scratched behind her ears. Tux purred. "Surely not Bennie," I replied.

Bennie started barking at the door and I got up to answer it. I opened it. There stood Amanda, years hadn't changed her. She was still beautiful like perfect porcelain, her again blonde hair tied into a lopsided ponytail. "Josh.. Oh his.." Amanda hugged me but I didn't hug back. I did still love Amanda, but Id started a new life and Ariana was my first priority. I was a single dad for the past three months. I didn't want Ariana to not remember her birth mom.

"Amanda, we have to have a serious talk if you want us to be together again." I started with when I left, what happened in Australia, turned out the asshole actually used a legal piercing gun, he owned a shop or something and the police just charged him with forcible confinement, and I ended at the loss of all of those.

"Emmaline must have been very lucky," Amanda wiped her eyes. "Josh you sure you don't want us back together?"

"I know you moved on. I have a daughter Amanda.. Between MT and her I couldn't decide. I have to take care of her while MT is starting to come back. I love you so much, Amanda but I can't not love you. You're so beautiful," I added. "You can still move back in okay? I'll introduce you to Ari. In the end it's her that decides. Trust me she hates being touched sometimes."

"Ariana is a really beautiful baby," Amanda saw the photo album I'd yanked of Ariana's pictures. "Josh you hated kids when you left," Amanda chuckled. "You come back with a kid and you're widowed," Amanda replied. "Emmaline must have loved you."

"I always visit her Amanda. I still love her and it's too soon for me to rush back into old relationships. All the legal stuff has to happen. Some of Iit could mess up... I still have to have that press conference and stuff," I added. "Ariana and MT are the only things I need to focus on for now. I need a new way of living and I lived off of MT band money on a account I had in another name I can legally use. It was just so no one stole it."

Amanda ran her thumb over the slight bit of fuzz over my face. "You're getting that shaved first of all," Amanda chuckled.

"I didn't have fuzz over there. In going to shave it off and fix my hair before the press conference." I said, and all of a sudden, I stared into her grey blue eyes and I was hooked like a fish. I'd left behind Amanda. Amanda who cried when I left on tour, who missed me when I was in the studio. She was the first love of my life.

"Emmaline's parents are going to want rights to Ariana, now that you're Josh Ramsay again," Amanda said. "She's a cute kid. I wish I could maybe try to be a mom to her."

"Trust me at first I was terrified and was tempted to run from Australia and come home. Emmaline was my life and Ariana is what I have left of her." I said.

"You hated kids, what made you love them?" Amanda questioned.

"Ariana is my daughter; what's mine I don't hate. You'll meet her. She's the sweetest." I said. "My parents set up a makeshift nursery for her until I set it up here."

"My mom still has my stuff? Maybe?" Amanda suggested.

"Maybe," I replied. "You're still beautiful."

"Okay I guess I could call my parents," Amanda laughed.

"Fine then," I replied. "Just friends for a little while okay?" I caved okay. I did dearly miss Amanda.

Bennie was wriggling into my arms. I missed Anenomie so badly at the moment, but Tuf was still there her brilliant emerald eyes and playful black and white fur brightening up the day.

Amanda's mom helped me set up the spare room for Ariana. "You know you two could just move to a house."

"I can't," I said."Ariana has her mom's accent when she babbles. Emmaline had an accent and Ariana understood her."

"Emmaline must have been beautiful, Josh. Look at Ariana, her eyes are so coca colored. Maybe you'll marry again and that girl can mother Ariana," Amanda's mom said.

"I'll do just fine thank you." I said. "To be honest I have no time to look for a girlfriend. Music and Ariana are the most important things right now."

Amanda's mom left after a while and I drove to go get my precious little Ariana from my parents's house. "Hey Ari," I said and tickled her, she cooed in my arms.

"Dada," she cooed staring at me with her blue eyes. She hadn't spoken yet normally, but she did say mama right before Emmaline died; Emmaline must me watching over this little heaven sent angel.

"Ari, I miss your angel mommy. Ariana, you're going to have the best and I know I won't ever deny you anything you want provided it won't kill you or hurt you or ruin your beautiful face." I said.