🌹Gallavich🌹 - One shots

Everything I didn't say

By Shamelessbieber - ao3

Mickey sits in his jail cell, on the top bunk thinking about his visit with Ian yesterday. Ian said he'd wait, it seemed sincere but the goodbye Ian gave him ... It made Mickey think he wasn't going to wait. Mickey told him to lie if he had to but he regret it. Sighing, Mickey gets up, not caring if he woke his cellmate. He grabs a pencil and a paper, all his feelings bottled inside him soon about to be on a lined paper being mailed to Ian.

To Ian,

I know you're not waiting, and it's killing me but if i was you I wouldn't wait either. I'm not sending this to guilt trip you or anything but before you move on I want to tell you everything I've never told you before...

When you came to get that gun from me, I didn't want to hit you because I knew Mandy was a lying little bitch but I couldn't let my Southside rep go to shit for a ginger but look where I am now. Anyways, after we fought ... when we were getting undressed, I couldn't help myself. Your stupid face and your stupid body made me feel a way I've never felt for anyone female before. When you tried kissing me, I was going to let you but I was afraid of getting attached. All kisses mean something different and after sex kisses gives off passion and it means you want more and I wasn't planning on us becoming fuck buddies.

That one time we fucked in the back when Kash caught us ... when you grabbed my hand during the sex, I wanted to push you away but it felt good. And I'm sorry for the shit I said to you, you're obviously not just a warm mouth to me. Jesus I never want that beard back again.

The date you had with Jimmy's dad, I followed. I wasn't there by coincidence if you didn't know that already. I was jealous and didn't want anyone near what was mine. I'm pretty sure I admitted my feelings for you to myself then, knowing what was between us was more than just fucking.

When Terry caught us Ian, Jesus .. I hate to reminisce on this but I have to tell you that I fucking hated every moment of it. I couldn't stand to look at you while Svetlana was riding me .. that's why I took over. So it could be done and over with and so I couldn't see the hurt on your face.

The time when you had your episode and started stripping at the club, man I loved every moment of it. When you gave me that lap dance and watching you dance on the platform. I tried to act like it didn't phase me but it did, I wanted to take you on right then and there but you were being a stubborn little fucker.

Let's go back to when I kept refusing to admit I was gay and I beat you up ... I cried after that. I hurt you and I made it seem like I didn't feel guilty after that but I did and all I wanted to do was run to you and apologize a thousand times but I fucking couldn't because I was a coward.

When I came out, I didn't want to but I knew as soon as you walked out that door you'd be out of my life forever and I'd have to deal with seeing you with another man walking freely. I'm glad I came out though it caused us both to get in a fight with Terry but it was worth it. Fuck it was so worth it.

Jesus, there's so many times when I hid my feelings that it would probably take up five pages front and back but seriously Ian, I wasn't lying when I told you I love you. Even though you never verbally told me you love me, I know you do ... I hope you do/did..

I love you, Ian Gallagher.

Ian reads the letter with so much concentration. He can hear Caleb talking in the background, but he was more worried on the shaky handwriting near the end. Mickey surprisingly has neat handwriting but the closer to the end of the letter the more sloppy the writing got, Ian knew it was because Mickey was getting emotional and couldn't handle it anymore.

"What's that?" Caleb questions, trying to read the paper but Ian folded it back up and shrugs.

"Just a long letter from an old friend." Caleb nods, Ian sighing afterwards. "I have to get to Fiona, she has a job interview and I'm watching Liam."