Lissana

Chapter Three

Tiredtiredtiredtiredtiredtiredtired.

"Now, you lack confidence!"

"I understand."

It's been six months since Aunt Linda became my home tutor.

And every single day from those six months felt like hell.

It was a series of torture from time to time and back aches. For a child that is yet to reach the age of three, this is hell on earth.

Surprisingly, my body can handle pressure well. On the contrary, my mind cannot. I sighed as I straightened my back for the hundredth time this morning. I can't even eat my breakfast in peace because every time I expose a single flaw or an inelegant posture, Aunt Linda will brandish her silver whip without warning and will hit me behind. These whiplashes do not really cause physical injuries but instead, it leaves redness and itchiness that is hard to endure. The only problem is, scratching is not befitting for a lady so in consequence every time I scratch, a whiplash will descend.

Thankfully I decided to ignore the itchiness and decided to bite my tongue instead.

"Ha..." I gasped as the whip hit my collarbone again.

"Chin up!" Aunt Linda shouted, her usual stern voice echoing in each side of the four walls.

I immediately raised my face, hand slowly moving, making its way to my thighs. We are currently inside my study, it was no surprise that this place is sound proof, since it's pretty convenient. I requested to have my own study as soon as I grasped the basics of writing, and also wished to make it soundproof when I remembered how the noise of mother's and brother's fight can be clearly heard outside. This study is now filled with books, half of them I collected in the span of three months and the other half was given by my lovely father as a congratulatory gift for advancing my level of knowledge.

"Now, answer questions 13-18, 23-28, and 50-73," she coldly ordered as she watched me open the book in the most elegant way I possibly can (with the remaining confidence I have). Most of my confidence have been washed down the drain when I realized that I'm learning slowly in the span of six months, I still can't manage to do things in the most graceful way possible. Adding insult to injury, Aunt Linda often scolds me on how I learn things slowly. Bitch.

My back hurts, I whine internally. And I'm itching all oveeeer.

Of course, I have been acing all the academic related topics and more over I do my very best. Why can't I? It's merely addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. While I do ace these subjects, I do not feel any sense of achievement. Those are merely pre-school to primary level knowledge, as a 17-year-old (with a three-year-old body), I shouldn't feel fulfilled. Instead, I should feel ashamed for not finishing it in the fastest way available.

"Your hand is trembling! Stop it!" A whip lashed at the back of my hand as I started to write my answers on my answer sheet. "Did you even eat breakfast?!"

"I-I did."

"Then could you tell me why?!" Little Aunt Linda asked forcefully.

I only bowed my head as if I did not hear her words and continued answering.

It is because I'm afraid—no, I am terrified. The voice at the back of my head is compelled to come out. I exhaled and wrote the number 33 in my answer sheet. I cannot hide my fear any longer, even though it's already been three fucking years, I should have adjusted, even if just a little bit. Contrary to my expectations, everyday my chest only gets heavier and heavier. I thought it was normal, but I realized I needed to stop fooling myself. I am not from here.