Dear V.

Part IX: Backed out

"What is it?", he told me while holding my hand.
"Noth.. nothing", I replied nervously.
"Good. I felt nervousness when you came by our classroom and called me unexpectedly", he said.

I'm gonna cry. I can't do this. It is difficult to end a relationship. But I really want it to come to an end.

From that day, I start to avoid him whenever possible. I don't know if he can feel it but the more I avoid him, the more I lose my feelings for him. And now, I am correct that what I felt for him is only an infatuation.

Once time, I tried to approach him again to tell him that I want our relationship to come to an end but I backed out again.

It is the graduation ball and he asked me to be his partner, I agree, of course, we're still in a relationship. I could remember that he is my first and last dance that time. I could also not forget The King and Queen of Hearts as the song played when he is wearing a bracelet to my hand while dancing with me. The conscience is hitting me once again but I just chose to be happy that time. Another best thing that happened during that time is we got our first picture together. I could see how happy he is when we got it.

Only few weeks before the graduation, V started to become jealous of my guy friends and we are arguing with each other consecutively.

Also, my mother got mad at me, he knew that I have a boyfriend. Her point is that it is okay to have a boyfriend but I should have introduced him to them. Even though she gets mad at me, she never told my father that I have a boyfriend. Tears welled up in my eyes, that is all I can do, to cry and let it all out. I am close to my mother, I never kept a secret to her, and now she does not treat me like the way she used before.

Then, I got to courage to end our relationship when V and I argued once again and made his jealousy as an excuse so that the relationship will finally come to an end. On the 2nd of April 2013, I ended it.