beyond repair | kaistal au

Filling The Emptiness

Soojung stared out of her window. She saw a pile of Autumn leaves that had shed by the maple tree across her house. Autumn had always been her favourite season but she had locked herself up in her deep purple room, unable to move from her spot by the dusty window. She refused to move as that was where she felt peaceful and safe. 

She knew that if she had gone to school, her mind would drift away to be engaged with all the thoughts in her head. She didn't want that. School trapped her from being free. School kept her to being with all the unthoughtful people. School made her see him. 

He, who was once her good friend.

He, who pushed her away after she confessed.

He, who refused to talk to her.

He, who wouldn't give a damn if she died.

He, who pretended that she had never existed in his life.

He, who was the one that cut her heart so deep, she might be unable to live.

He, who was called Kwon Jiyong from birth. 

Soojung smiled bitterly at the thought him smiling. She despised him yet she yearned for him. It wasn't the only thing she yearned for. She had always wanted to impress him and show him what he's missing but life doesn't care about her as well. As if she was a mere ant and she was potentially going to die any day now, therefore life shouldn't waste it's time on her.

Soojung never deserved this. She always thinks that she does but what has she done to deserve this sort of punishment?

Out of all the students at school, she was always the first.

She studied hard every night, she stayed in the library every day during lunch and she never disobeyed her parents unlike all the other teenagers of her age. She, too, has never lied and she has never been disrespectful to anyone. She was practically untouchable.

But as other normal teenagers, she, too, falls in love and it so happens to be Jiyong.

She met Jiyong when she was really good friends with Chansung and now Chansung is practically her best friend. She has talked to Jiyong for a couple of times and he was a really nice friend to talk to.

At one point, she was seeing Jiyong more than a few times a day as she was getting closer to Jiyeon, Jiyong's sister. 

Jiyong went to her house once to prank call her friends and she felt delighted to see him but that wasn't the last time they hung out.

Soon later, they met again for an outing and he payed for her karaoke session with Jiyeon as Soojung had only a few bucks left. Later that day, Soojung had dinner at Jiyong's house and he teased her on washing the plates, in which she did. When she was about to leave, Soojung requested for a picture with Jiyong but decided over it because he was in the shower and her ride home had arrived. 

Soojung felt that she had to tell him about her feelings and that was when chaos happened.

Jiyong started to drift away from her. He refused to talk to her and he wouldn't reply her text messages, no matter how much she apologized.In all honesty, she really didn't know why she was apologizing but she felt like she had to.

At times, she would get Chansung to help her out and Chansung would update her on the progress.

At one point, Soojung was more than grateful when she had gotten news that Jiyong was kind of eager to see her because Chansung had yelled her name out loud when she had walked by their class and Jiyong abruptly stood up to see her, but the happiness stopped there.

Soojung decided to give up on Jiyong as she wasn't seeing any other improvements but Chansung told her to put her feet back on the ground and fight for what she wanted. She did but God forbid, Jiyong was likely to hurt her anyway. She tried texting Jiyong a few times and she apologized every single time but to no avail. He never replied anyway.

She informed Chansung about it and he decided to help by passing the message she wanted Jiyong to know about. 

Here came the hardest part for Soojung.

She thought hard about it and decided to pretend that Jiyong never existed in her life. She told Chansung to pass it on to Jiyong and as the concerned friend Chansung is, he made sure that Soojung was sure about her decision. Soojung insisted on it and Chansung hesitantly told Jiyong about it.

He told Jiyong that Soojung never wanted anything to do with Jiyong again, she would pretend that he never existed in her life and she would think of him as a mere ghost. As if, there was no Kwon Jiyong and it's all a fairytale that could never be told due to the fact that in Soojung's mind, no creature in the world could exist as a 'Kwon Jiyong'.

Jiyong indirectly agreed to her plan as he said that 'even if she died, I wouldn't care'. Soojung half-heartedly thanked Chansung for helping her and she started crying onwards. 

She was hurt by his words and she had no motivation to live therefore she was diagnosed with major depression. That didn't stop her from being herself though.

No matter how much it hurts, she will always maintain her smiles and keep on joking around to show 'him' that she wasn't affected by it.

She tried out for every audition there is to prove that she could still do what she liked but no matter how much she tried, her head would get messed up by all the thoughts and that caused her to fail in all the auditions.

Her mum then got her a therapist, whom she enjoyed being with because she was a very understanding person until one day, she stopped coming. 

Soojung felt very lonely without the existence of Yoonhee, her therapist. 

She would sit in front of the window, waiting for her to come until that day when she saw Yoonhee's car in the driveway. Soojung rushed over to her dresser and combed her hair. She heard the creaking of her door as it opened and closed.

"Hey Yoonhee." Soojung exclaimed.

She turned around to be welcomed by a handsome young lad, standing straight with hands in his pocket like a model prepapring for a photoshoot. Soojung was overwhelmed by his appearance as she started to fidget anxiously.

"Oh, you're not Yoonhee." Soojung muttered. The boy chuckled and raised his hand for a handshake. 

"Hi, I'm Yoonhee's brother, Jongin. My sister probably forgot to tell you that she was studying abroad and I will be replacing her from now on." The boy said.Soojung shook his hand and slightly smiled. 

"Um hi, I guess. My name is Soojung. Hopefully Yoonhee told you about what I'm going through so I wouldn't have to explain again." Soojung uttered. Jongin smiled and nodded.

"She did. I wouldn't want to waste any time because we have about 30 minutes left since I was kind of late." Jongin said, chuckling.

"So, I need you to go back to school and find a muse." He added. I grinned at him and patted his head.

"I already found my muse. Now, it's up to him to amuse me." I said. Jongin smiled at me while craning his neck.

"Oh really? Who?" He queried.

I giggled, hiding my face in embarrassment. Finally, I said:

"You."

Thanks for reading it. I wasn't very sure if I should continue and make another part so I just rushed all of it to make it fit in one part. Should I continue this? And do subscribe to my other fanfic which is an L.Joe fic, if you haven't. I didn't update that in a while so I decided to make it up to you by writing this. the reason is i lost my book with the remaining parts i have written so i decided to rewrite it in microsoft word first and then copy paste it here. thanks for reading^^~