Save Me

E I G H T E E N

It was usually too hot in Hell. Not hot enough to burn, only to give you that queasy feeling. I struggled to stand and looked up. It was dark but I was used to the strange appearance of Hell.

To most it was their worst nightmare. To me, it was like flashes. My surroundings were shapeless but they had a shape. It's hard to explain I guess.

"Dad!" I screamed. I was still mad at him. Really mad "Get out here!"

Lucifer stepped out of the shadows frowning. "How did you die?"

I glared at him. "Rebecca wants to see you. Now send me back"

He scanned over my bloody clothes and scowled "Where are you?"

"Her house I think. Now send me back so I can get away before Ryan gets home" I folded my arms but nothing happened "Send me back!"

He raised an eyebrow at me "You found the album I'm guessing"

"Just send me back" I hissed and he sighed. He looked genuinely affected.

"Fine. I'll get you out. Don't worry" he said and I disappeared. 

I woke up alone. The bolts had been removed and the wounds had healed but I felt weak. I was on the floor, the chair missing. I groaned, the bitch took my chair.

"Bitch!" I yelled.

The door opened in a flash and Rebecca was glaring at me "Watch your language" she hissed. "Did you tell him?"

I nodded "I told him. He didn't really care to be honest"

She frowned and crouched in front of me. I pushed myself sitting up and leaned against the wall. "He didn't care?" She seemed sad and fell back to the ground.  She folded her legs beneath her and frowned.

She looked like a lost puppy and it was sad to watch. "Did you seriously think that he loved you?" It came out meaner than I meant it and I felt myself sigh at myself. Her face morphed into anger and my eyes widened.

"He does love me!" She shouted and I flinched. All sympathy for this woman was gone and now I pitied her. She had fallen into a fantasy where my father loved her when I knew he loved no one but himself.

Because he had satanic blood and was unable to love.

Just like me.

An image of Ryan popped into my mind and I felt my heart clench. The image was of him when he died. I had let that happen. I didn't love him. I was using him because I was lonely. It wasn't love. It was selfishness.

"Are you crying?" Rebecca said, knocking me from my thoughts. I wiped my face and felt my cheeks were wet. "Why?"

"I have to say goodbye" I whispered. "I have to let him go"

Rebecca stared at me. "Who?"

"Ryan" I gulped "Please. This is important. I can't hurt him anymore"

Rebecca stood. "I have one more message for when you're done"

I frowned "You're letting me go?" My voice was choked with tears.

"Yes. But I'll be watching you and sending you to talk to your father again after" She said. "I'm not letting Ryan go through the same heartbreak I did"

So she does have a heart. I nodded and she helped me to my feet and out to a car. I fell in the back seat and cursed but she didn't seem to notice. I sat up and felt tears roll down my face again.

Did Ryan really love me? Or was he scared of me? Becoming a vampire heightens his emotions so he could have been reacting when he told me he loved me. He must have been. I'm a demon. I can't be loved because I'm a monster.

I never cried, ever. I never even dreamed of crying in front of someone but here I am blubbering infront of a complete stranger.

She pulled up in front of the house and I saw Ryan straight away. He sat on the steps with his head in his hands. I struggled with the door handle and broke a nail as I threw it open and kicked it for good measure.

He looked up at me and I froze. I couldn't do it. I can't lose him. "Lauren" he ran towards me and I tensed as he hugged me. "You've been crying?"

"Please don't call me that" I whispered. He frowned and let me go. Rebecca drove away but I knew she wouldn't go far. "I'm sorry" I burst into tears again and hung my head.

He took my face in his hands and lifted my face to look at me. "What happened? What did that bitch say to you?"

I shook my head "Please" I pleaded. I couldn't have him this close. "I can't" He wiped away tears with his thumb and I cried harder. "Ryan"

"Please. Talk to me Lauren" He said.

I stared at him. His dark eyes boring into me "I can't love Ryan. I'm sorry but I can't love or be loved. I can't hurt you anymore"

I had never felt so alone in someone else's company as I did then. He brushed my hair behind my shoulders and kissed me. I pushed his chest and he pulled away "Ryan, listen to me. I can't do this anymore"

He gulped "How do I fix this? How can I convince you that you are loved? That you can love?"

I tried to cover my face but he grabbed my hands. "I can't! Everyone has left me! I thought that if it was my choice to be alone that it wouldn't hurt. But it does! I can't do it! I can't lose anyone else!"

He kissed me again and this time I didn't push away. I grabbed his face and felt his arms around my waist.

A gunshot rang out and I went limp. Ryan slipped away from me as my mind focused on the intense pain in my lower back. I hit the ground and was flipped onto my back. "We made a deal. Tell your father that I hate him and never want to see him again" Rebecca hissed.

"I'm sure he'll be glad to hear that" I growled and she fired again, hitting my head.

****

I felt light when I woke. I was cool and refreshed as if I'd woken up from a perfect sleep. I pushed myself up and looked around. White clouds surrounded me and my eyes widened. "No. No. No!" I shouted. I looked down at the long white dress I was now wearing and screamed.

Henry appeared in front of me and grinned "Welcome Lauren. I hope you enjoy your time as an angel"