I'm Not A Girl

Nonsense Ranting

So, life has been *explodes*. I hold  a lot of emotions in and they're coming out in weird waves. I feel like a squirrel, a dirty squirrel. I had a panic attack in front of my mom, I also had one at school. I called myself a tranny freak. My mom said she doesn't know how to feel about me being trans. I told her that she didn't need to know how to feel, she should just feel. Just feel. I never just feel, it every emotion brings a flood of... everything else. UGHHHHHHHHH I hate this, i hate all of it. I don't like being in this body. I look in the mirror and I feel so unhappy. I feel as if I look so....I don't know, wrong. My friend is confused, they confused me. In sixth grade they came out as trans, then they said they weren't. Last they were super girly then this year they came out as trans and called themselves one name, now they say they're genderfluid and call themselves a different name. My other friends say that they could call me Zach right away but it felt wrong to call my friends I was talking about anything other than their birth name. Right away, Zach was Zach, and Sophia/Sebastian/Jonathan/Sophia/Drew (female name)/ Andrew/ Alexander/ Alex is always Sophia. I always call Alex what they want to be called. They're confusing, but they're my best friend and I love them.