I'm Not A Girl

Dysphoria

I looked at myself in the mirror and disgust ran through my body. My bras are starting not to fit me again, I'll need to go the next size up. My face is to round, my eyes are to big. I'm starting to form curves, if you ran your hand down starting just below my breasts and down to my waist you can feel the curve. My lips are to feminine, my eyebrows are to feminine. My shoulder are to narrow, my thighs to big to ever be anything but female legs. I have small hands and feet. I found bandages in hall closet but they don't cover my entire chest. My glasses look like female glasses, though they claim to be unisex, but they're the only ones that don't make me look uglier. My mom wants to me to go to homecoming, I am going to homecoming with my girlfriend. My mom and sister want me to straighten my hair and wear makeup. They want me to wear a dress that ends at my knees and put on my sisters flats. I can't do that. I don't want to do that. My chest gives me the most dysphoria, I hate it. I can't keep it down. It won't stay down, I really want a chest binder but I can't right now, someone keeps telling me they're going to get me one but they haven't had the time nor the money. Everything about me screams "FEMALE"  and I hate it. I just want look like a male, look like who I should have been born as. I want to look like the way I imagine myself in my head.