Affliction

Chapter Two

         Two Years Later

         "Cee?" My foster sister's voice broke me from my task, the pen in my hand stilling on the paper. Angry stanza lines were scrawled across the paper, the words almost illegible. But only almost. I could see the words clear as day, hear the violence and bitterness. Those words painted themselves in the air, pulsating and raging like the angry rhythm of my heart. Words had become my very breath, an expression of all my chaos. The brokenness. These words were merely a fraction of all that rage simmering beneath my skin. Merely a glimpse.

       All these voices in my head

      Raging, screeching, roaring

      All this pain in my veins

      All this rage

     Yeah, Im just fading

     Today was a song. Tomorrow it could be an entire story. But it was always the same. Dedicated words. All dedicated. Dedicated to saving me from myself and you could see it in every sentence, every stanza that wrote itself into my brain. Sometimes they just needed to be put on paper. And today I could barely contain my rage. That song was there, scrolling and repeating in the back of my head and my foster sisters interruption wasnt welcome.

         I looked up at her, my pen poised above the paper. Jade looked back at me, her big russet brown eyes concerned as she leaned against my door frame. She cut a beautifully intimidating profile even as casual as she was. At 511 she towered over most people and with her lean body and precisely cut features. Underneath that hard exterior she exuded was a tough little marshmallow. Jade was the toughest person I knew but she was also the most compassionate and loving to those she considered family. Despite being two years older it seemed the both of us understood each other at a deep level and both of us respected the other. It's what made her by far the closest to me of my foster sisters.

         "What?" My voice came out brisk and impatient and her features shifted. I knew she was concerned, knew that my attitude made her even more so. But there was a poison in my veins. A poison that had to sink into paper. Or at least that's how it felt.

         "Are you okay?" She lowered her voice several fractions and I sigh. She knew the answer. But I guess we had a silent code. In a system like foster care it was rare to meet people you felt you could trust. Rarer still to bond beyond that. Jade and I had. We were sisters of the heart and we both know the slow death of keeping quiet. Of holding back. She knew I needed to talk even when I didnt. Just as I knew when she needed to. I couldnt get mad at her for looking out for me. Not when it was so rare.

         "No." It was a hallowed whisper but more bitter than poison. I was an inferno of fury beneath the surface. Enough to react when I knew I couldnt. Not here, not in this foster home. Here in this home it was damning to react and I was already fucked. If I went any higher on their shit list there was no end of things they could inflict.

         "They treated you like shit." Jade says, her brows drawing in as she frowned. I couldnt help but agree. Id lived here for two whole fucking years and itd been a whole other level of fucked up I couldnt explain. These people were borderline delusional. They were convinced that they were a god sent replacement family to every child that walked through the door. It would have been fine. After all at least it was a somewhat stable environment. But when was anything that simple? Their delusional beliefs had sent them on a personal mission to alienate me from my family. From my mother. My relationship with her was precarious at the best of times and they had to make it worse.

         On top of my moms usual demands to try harder, now everything that happened I was the one at fault. There was no end to the shit talking my foster parents did to my mom about me. No end to how their fine wine words made me out to a vindictive and terribly behaved child. The canyon between my mother and I was only widening and it was maddening when I spent so much time trying to heal and bridge that gap. It was alway enough to make me snap at my foster parents. Always enough to get me to react in exactly the way they wanted me too.