Here Comes Trouble

Chapter Eight - Desperate

Justin's POV

I sit and stare blankly at the Tv, distantly aware that my Dad is talking somewhere behind me. My hands are still shaking, and my heart beats thunderously in my ears. For some reason I can't explain, the back of my eyes prick with tears. I can't even begin to place why I'm so upset.

"Did you hear me, Justin?"

No. I feel like I'll never hear anything other than the sound Selena makes when you-

"Sorry, uh. Focused on homework. What's up?"

He chuckles and plops down on the couch tiredly. Despite the raging storm inside my head, I take a moment to analyze my Dad.

He's the same from my hero worshipping childhood. Same hard, but kind eyes. Strong and definite, in everything he did. He was exactly the same, except.

Well you could see that his eyes didn't shine as bright anymore. That it took awhile to work up feeling, well, anything. That his smile--more often than not--was based on muscle memory rather than happiness. The sharp line of his shoulders sag, all the time now.

He's the exact same, except in the ways he isn't.

I wonder if my Mom leaving affected him harder than it he did me. We both took a pretty harsh hit. But at the time, it felt like I had the worst of it. Shutting down almost completely, tiring all the time to call her, hear her voice, let her explain what was going on. It had gotten so bad, that I had to go to therapy for a couple years. But looking at him now, I wonder if I ever stopped Hero worshipping him.

"Said do you wanna get pizza? From the looks of it, none of us want to cook." He's being generous, the entire time Selena has been here, not once has she been near the stove. When Dad tried to make her, she screamed about the patriarchy and gender roles and told him to fuck himself with a spatula. He gave up after.

I offer him the best smile I can work up, "Yeah. A pizza sounds good."

After five minutes of trying, and failing to get Selena to come down for dinner, Dad sighed and decided I could eat up in my room. Which was exactly what I needed.

Racing up the stairs, I went straight to my window and pulled it open. Shakily, breathing in the fresh air. It was jarring and soothing. A cold balm to the heat still pooling my entire body.

Before today, I was never exactly sure what I felt for Selena, but it was never that level of...intimate. I'd known from the start that she was attractive, anyone would. But she was also annoying, and loud, and didn't care about anyone else's feelings. She tried, intentionally to rile me up just to cackle loudly and walk away about a million times. It was like she wasn't happy unless she was hurting somebody else.

But I also knew there were levels to her. She could be sweet and almost shy. Awkwardly geek out about music and surprisingly, cartoons. She was funny, witty, seemingly always with a retort hit on her tongue. She was vulnerable and understanding. She was, someone I could like.

And today, I knew shouldn't have happened. That it would inevitably change the fundamentals of our relationship because..there was something there. A hidden element under all our banter and bickering.

Not to mention, it was my first actual kiss.

Mere had been the first girl I touched lips with. In a supremely awkward game of spin the bottle that Ryan had somehow roped the both of us into playing. She didn't talk to me for a week after that.