I swear to God my family isn't always like this[DISCONTINUED]

~So this is my family~

     "Gilbert, if you don't listen. I'm not going to let you come over." I said as the albino sighed, dropping his phone onto his bed.

     "Mattie, how complicated can your family be? I already know Alfred and he seems pretty easy to understand." He said trying to get me to help him with French. I sighed this evening is going to be ruined, and then I'll never be able to bring him anywhere my family is.   

     "There's over ten people, and a rather large part of them have a gun, they can easily pull on you." I saw a bit of fear creep up on his face.

     " That's a lot of people." he murmured a bit wide eyed.
  
     "Now listen up, they expect us there in one hours. And I plan on tonight being perfect. None of them, and I mean none of them know I'm gay, or that I'm dating you. So I don't plan on anything being ruined. " I gave him a stern look and he got up and lightly hugged me.

     " Okay, then let's start, I prefer it when I don't get shot." I laughed.

      "So first we have Alfred, you know him. But he's not going to be the same, I can promise you that. He can get quite protective at times so just keep a safe distance from me. Not to much contact or he'll get all protective and the night will be ruined." I watched as the pale boy nodded his head, looking a bit distraught at the thought of not being able to hug me. " Next we have my dad, Francis. He's the one you've seen when he picks Alfred and I up from school. He's more protective than Alfred. You should be able to get on his good side. You two have a lot alike. So just stay on his good side and we should be fine. He also has a gun so watch out. And speak as much French as you can, he's from France and absolutely loves speaking French. " 

     "Okay, I can handle that. I've got to leave room for Jesus, behave, and speak French." He smiled, thinking that was it and I felt a bit of worry. He was defiantly going to mess this up.

      "Sorry to burst your bible, but it gets worst. My other dad, Arthur he hates you. He doesn't even need to know you, but he actually hates anyone who, as he says 'takes his children's innocence'.  So, just be nice, always ask if he needs help with something, even if it seems like there's nothing to do. It'll make you seem like a better person and not someone who plans on taking my innocence. Oh, and he has a nasty temper, so if you piss him off than it's going to take a mirical to fix"

     " Okay, but you're still a vir-" he started but I soon cut him off. My face almost as red as his eyes.

     "Of course I am, but I think it's just him being paranoid that once I lose me 'Innocence' I'm going to become some puck, bad boy who fails at school." All we could do was laugh. " Okay so the next person in my family is my uncle Alistair. He's kinda like Alfred, but he's a cop. So he definitely has a gun. And he'll make sure you know it. And -you know what my whole family is protective as hell so just be careful. But he also has a law degree, so don't piss him off. He can sue you and win. " I swear I saw the albino go a shade paler. He didn't responded so I moved onto my next family member." I have another uncle. Peter, although he's twelve so he should be able to get on the good side of, but he may be sweet but he can be a bit of a jerk. So, just if you get the time and he asks to play say yes. That'll probably help you get on the good side of Arthur."

     " Okay, this all sounds complicated but something I can do." I smiled.

    " Okay, now my cousin Christian he's a bit ruff. He'll definitaly try and fight with you. He's only a year younger, so grade 8. I say fight with him, but I'd also do it outside so that Arthur and Francis can't see you. They'll get pissed at you, they've been trying to get him to stop fighting but he'll love you for it. The only thing here is that instead of having a gun he can shoot you with, he could beat the hell out of you with just his fists. Which trust me one wrong move and you're dead. Are you sure you want to go see them I can come up with some lie." I hopped that he would change his mind about going, maybe we could stay here and hang out with Ludwig. Yeah, he was a 8 year old but it was better than the embaresment my family was about to create. 

     "Nope, I still wanna go. I'm just going to have to try really hard to impress them." He smiled and I could see the determination on his face. He really wanted to meet my family. Jesus, and so I continued on with my family hoping at some point he'd change his mind.

    " So I know this is taking forever but now were just doing the last couple of people. So Francis's parents adopted Antonio, and he's pretty chill. He'll most likely be all touchy, and try and hug you. Just don't piss him off, he's scary when he's mad. His husband Lovino is scary as hell and one day he pissed off Antonio and he locked himself in my room hiding from him for a full day. So just be nice. Romano is like Arthur,  he hates you without even knowing you, but he really just hates everyone. But if you can get on Antonio's good side, Lovino should be fine with you. Although it'll seem like he hates you. Although, no matter what you do it'll seem like he hates you. He'll either say he likes you, or if he says goodbye you know he likes you. But like Arthur, if you piss him off it'll take a metrical to fix.  And they have a little boy Feli, he's Ludwigs age actually. He already likes you, as long as you don't be a jerk you'll be fine with him. He's really nice." I smiled. And he seemed to be thinking.

     " That's nine people not including you, how many more can you fit in your house?" He looked confused he probably thought out house was something like Full house.   

      " Five more people, two dogs, a rather large reptile, a bird, a goat and a couple dozen turtles." Gilbert's jaw dropped, and all I could do was laugh. That was usually most peoples reactions. I don't think I know anyone with this many humans under one house. So I quickly continued and told the poor albino about the last 5 members of my family. We were running out of time and I haven't picked his clothes out yet.

      " Lukas, is kinda like Romano but not as rude, he seems like he hates you but he probably doesn't. He just doesn't trust people, so just be nice and don't piss him off. Be kind and try and help calm Mattias down he'll love you for that. Or just have a civilized conversation with him about whatever he wants." I saw him nod obviously trying to keep track of everyone.

      "Next we have Mattias, he's going to be wasted within the first hour of dinner starting. So try and be cool with him, and still keep him at bay. Ask him to play soccer, Alfred and I can play, and so will Christopher . We'll have teams or three maybe more depending on who wants to play. But Matthias is like you and Alfred. He's loud, the only difference is that he's old enough to get drunk. Next there's Emil, he's in grade 8, and he's more reserved, although he won't admit it he's a lot like Lukas, so just talk with him. Ask him about his bird, he loves talking about him. "  He laughed and I just continued we had to start getting dressed soon.

     " All we have left is Tino, who is a happy little teen, he is kinda like Antonio, happy but Scarry as hell when mad. And finally Berwald, he probably isn't going to say much to you, you won't be able to read him so don't try, let him come to you don't make any advances. And finally we have a dog named Kuma, he's prue white, rather large dog, we have a small gray dog named Tony. A rather big iguana who we all just call Barry, a big bird called Mr. Puffin, even though he's not a puffin. And then we have a bunch of turtles that Antonio has seemed to name, but God forbid I can't remember them, and finally we have a goat sadly we let Peter name it so it's name is Peter Jr. you got it?" We both laughed, and I sighed and watched as he gathered all his thoughts.

     " So I've got to keep room for Jesus, behave, speak French, offer help, play with some kids, fight another one and make sure I'm not caught. Then umm, get on Antonio's good side and stay there, have civilized conversations, talk about a bird. Then keep a drunk calm, and play soccer." He paused before a thought came to mind. " Oh yah, don't talk to that one guy unless he talks to me, and be polite." He gave me one of his bright grins and all I could do was smile back.

     " Now that you've got that let's pick an outfit out for you." I ended up picking out a simple outfit for him, jeans and a sweater. He looked decent to me so with out a second thought we got Gilbert's dad to drive us over.