A Difficult Kind of Love

Last Day

We were laughing, Dad just told a joke about a lion and a mouse. Mum's wavy brown hair was partly covering her green eyes which were smiling more than her lips. I was in the back seat on the right looking at her. A loud bang made me look quickly out of the left window and saw a big grey SUV speeding out of control, through the road barrier straight towards us. A scream had barely left my lips when it hit and our car rolled. It all happened in slow motion as glass flew in from the windshield and we landed on our side in a ditch. All was silent. Suddenly Dad's voice called out for us and I spoke. We waited for Mum's chirpy voice to break the silence but she said nothing. Dad looked over to her seat with difficulty as did I. Her eyes were wide with shock and a small trickle of blood was coming out of her mouth and down her neck. She did not stir. Bruising was forming on her head and glass was imbedded everywhere in her skin. Dad broke down in tears as I heard the police and ambulance sirens coming towards us. The sirens were merged into something else.

Beep beep beep beep beep beep bee-

I bolt upright as I slam my hand down on my alarm, silent tears pouring down my face. I am dizzy and shaking again. This is the third night in a row that I have had to relive that memory thing. And the worst thing is that this happens every week but I can never stop myself from feeling like I was there again. My heart is pumping almost out of my chest.  It's been two years, seven months and nine days since the accident but it still feels like only a few moments ago. I try to convince myself to get out of bed.

Ten minutes later, I put my feet on the floor and shuffle on the carpet slowly. I grab onto the cool handle of my door. I know that if I go past here I have to go into the world which means I have to go to school. My body lets out a sigh as I turn it.

Dad is already in the kitchen when I get there. His brown hair is messy and a bit of stubble is coming up on his face. He is eating a bowl of corn flakes. How can he eat that? It's so bland and bleh. He gets up and gives me a hug.

"You had that dream again, didn't you Sadie?" I nod, he probably saw my eyes or felt the beating of my heart. I nod my head as I nuzzle into his chest, narrowly avoiding a piece of disgusting cornflake.

He had already made breakfast for me, luckily not corn flakes but toast with peanut butter and strawberry jam. I eat slowly while just staring where two walls meet. Usually I would be watching the morning news but most of our house is packed up. Besides my room (which is being packed today) and a few bits and bobs around the house. I am sitting on the carpet. Just sitting. And eating obviously.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and I look up at Dad, who is holding my school uniform.

"Come on Sadie, last day you have to wear this thing. But you need to be on that bus because I still have to pack up your room." I swallow guiltily and look up at Dad with the best innocent eyes I can muster. I have put off doing my room. He just shakes his head and heads back to the kitchen.

I get my half eaten toast and put it on the bench, Dad will eat it later. I take the clothes and head to my room. I have never liked this uniform. It never has been comfortable and it's very scratchy. And plus we have to wear a tie. Not the nice ones small ones but a tie that looks like the ones they wore to Mum's funeral. Black and heavy. After I have gotten changed, I put my laptop in my bag and my phone in my pocket. A horn goes off outside the house and I run to the door where Dad is. He is eating my toast.

"See you monkey!" He says as he hugs me. I peck him on the cheek and say that I love him before boarding the bus. The bus driver is an old man who doesn't really have the patience or time for questions or kids, which makes me wonder why he even became a bus driver. I sit in the middle of the bus where I close my eyes until our next stop. Jess, my best friend for 5 years lives near this stop. I actually met her on this bus, well not exactly on this bus, we've gone through a few but that's beside the point. Anyway the bus stops outside the Rolling Hills shopping market and she boards. After paying for her fare she makes a beeline for me.