Name: Livin_Loud
To: Spencer
Message: Ya know? You were my first. My first on almost everything. You made my life feel great. I felt whole. Well mostly whole from you. There's like a 10% of me that will always be there as a whole as long as my best friend who you hated for a while is still with me. We had so many fights. It was exhausting. But it was worth it in the end. Because I still had you. We lasted five months. To you it was your second longest relationship. For me it was my first and so far the only one I've had. It still meant the world to me.
But now you have someone else. And I'm okay with moving on considering I have my own. But it just hurts sometimes seeing you with this girl, the one that you liked before dating me, the one you still liked after, and I bet the one you liked while we dated. I was just a filler girlfriend. And don't tell me I wasn't. Because otherwise we wouldn't have broken up. And even when we would have, I still wouldn't have been replaced by the bitch that broke your heart, unfriended you like 3 times, and tried to start shit between you and I so many times beforehand. But you made your decision and all I want to do is drink bleach to clean the inside of my body.
Every "I Love You" was meaningless. Every "loving touch" was bullshit. Every sexual shit was worthless. As was I to you. And now I want to throw up at the mere thought of you. Because I let you use me, let you touch me, in ways I hadn't let anyone and it was all pointless. And now I feel disgusted with myself. All because of you.
The way you broke up with me was shit too. You fucking texted me in class, the class you FUCKING SAT BEHIND ME IN and broke up with me. Granted I had planned to end it with you too but much more~what's the word... oh right-CIVIL manner. Or ya know not be a big pussy about it. But nope. You broke up with me and cried in class while I left to roam the halls with my girl bestie. You were hurt. I wasn't as much.
Now I am but in a different way. And I wish, goodness I wish you would just admit it to me. Admit that you never really loved me and only wanted her. Because then I wouldn't want to still have you in my life as a friend. Because then it would make cutting all ties with you off so much easier. Because then it would mean I could live my life away from you and any thoughts that come with your name....
But you won't and the only thing I regret is saying that I loved you back.
YOU ARE READING
Unsent Messages-Open-
RandomWith every day of life comes a moment to stop and reflect. This is what us as humans tend to do. Sometimes we write it out, other times we think it inside our minds, but mostly we talk about it out loud. Then there are the ones who have ideas blowin...
