No Longer Myself

Growing up

As I grew up, violence was something I knew well,
I saw it every day,
Screaming, throwing, hitting,
Plates shattering against the wall in such a way that my heart broke with it,
I was only a child, raised in fear, and look what that did.
I'm now scared of fast movement, loud noise, and the thing I call my family.
Fast movement scares me in a way that I just away and cower, blocking my face.
Loud noise scares me, I flinch, yet nothing can outweigh the sounds of my thoughts drilling into my skull, not leaving me alone.
And my "family", is dysfunctional to put it vaguely.
My own father separate from my life, I don't even know him and he doesn't want to know me.
My mother a drunk, abusive bitch, only caring for herself, not letting me have the life I at least deserve.
As a child I could barely go outside, and it hasn't changed a bit, I'm only even allowed to leave for school activities.
The rest of my family, they're felons, liars, thieves, and I strive to be nothing like any of them.