Dear Me

Letter

4-5-2017

Dear me,

I miss you. I miss the girl you used to be.

You were kind hearted. You loved people easily. You gave them your heart. You made them feel special. You had the ability to make others happy. Happiness...isn't it counted the most? And you could make anyone happy simply by being there. You made sure that everyone around you was happy. You helped everyone who needed help even if you didn't know them. Even if you had only one thing, you would give it to those who needed it. You would so they could be happy and content. You found happiness in little things. You used to laugh at the silliest of things. You were content with yourself, others weren't. You always understood people, but they didn't. You always gave them chances when they hurt you, however often it might be. You believed in them, but they didn't.

I guess if they did you would still be you. They broke your trust.

I broke your trust. But you always gave us another chance.

You used to smile a lot. God I miss your smile. You always brightened my day with your smile, the way it went from your lips to your eyes. You didn't wear make ups, like others did. You never stopped yourself from eating to become skinny. You were plump in a good way; you're your skin always glowed. You didn't judge people and thought others didn't, even if they did you pushed it aside showed them who you really are. You took the risk to be seen as you were.

You were you. That's what I loved the most about you.

You were a genuine person with genuine thoughts and dreams. In a world full of plastics I found you, the one with a genuine heart.

I miss you.

I don't know what has happened to you, the old you. I feel like you have lost yourself, or maybe it's just me. I don't know why you felt the need to change. You were beautiful inside and out just the way you are. You still are to me. I try to tell myself you are still my Juliet, the girl I loved for the most of my life. I always do. But I can't pretend anymore. My best friend is lost. She lost herself for others.

You lost yourself so that you could fit in a place you didn't belong. you lost yourself for him . And I stood by, watching you get lost. And I am sorry. I am sorry that you are going through this and I am doing nothing but watch you fall. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to save you, I do, but it's like you don't want to be saved anymore. You stopped talking with me. You stopped sharing what you feel with me. Instead you chose to be with them. You changed for them.

I know it was hard hearing all those rude comments, hearing that you are worthless feeling that you are worthless. I know you tried to not let it affect you. That's when your smile became forced and it did not reach to your eyes. You tried to make them happy, I know you did. You can't stand seeing people unhappy. That's how sweet you are. But you let them take over you. You started changing. You started acting like the girls in their description. You cared too much for them to let them down but you couldn't see that they were the ones letting you down. You still loved them, even if they treated you like shit. You believed that someday they would start loving you again if you could match their expectations. I don't know what they wanted. You were always perfect.

You stopped eating like you used to. You became skinny, now you are too skinny. You lost the glow in your skin. You have dark circles around your eyes. I know you cover it with the makeup, because now your face is always cladded with makeup. You tried really hard to fulfil their expectation but failed. They make you feel worthless. And I know you do feel worthless. You feel like you shouldn't exist. You can't be more wrong. It wasn't your fault, but you blamed yourself.You were broken. I watched you break. I watched you cry yourself to sleep. I watched you trying to console your broken heart.

And I watched you lose your worth in your own eyes. I watched you losing respect for yourself. I watched you hurt yourself. I watched your scar grow. I watched you losing hope. I watched you failing yourself. I watched you become a mess. I watched you losing confidence. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't help you. I couldn't show you your worth. I couldn't help you to become better. I failed you as your best friend.

You stopped smiling.

You started feeling empty.

You stopped being happy.

You stopped being yourself. You stopped loving yourself.

You stopped caring for yourself.

You started treating yourself like shit and it hurts to see you like that. When I look at you I wonder if I could stop you from doing this. I stare at the girl who lost herself.

But it's never too late.

After all best part of getting yourself lost is finding yourself.

Please, know that I am always there for you and together, we can make it through this world full of sharks.

I promise, this time I won't let you down.

I am going to prove you your worth.

You will respect yourself again.

You will be happy again.

You will be whole again.

Love, me.

(P.s. it's never too late to start loving yourself. what you are in your eyes is what it matters the most.)

(P.p.s eat, you look like a stick.)