a/n: this chapter is extremely anti climactic and short, not to mention long overdue. There will probably be another update in a few weeks. Also- this story is a year in the making!! What the fuckkk it seems like yesterday i posted the first chapter
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The water hits my skin. I think it's too hot, I don't know. Whatever pain I should be feeling as it burns my skin diminishes so quickly I can't even register it. My breathing is still heavy from earlier and my hands won't stop shaking. What even happened earlier? I cant remember. I don't think I washed my body in the shower, just sat on the floor and let the little droplets sear my skin. I rested my chin on my knees that I hugged to my chest, just trying to make the shaking stop.
"Beth, honey, are you okay in there? It's been almost an hour," my mum knocked on the door, breaking me out of my nonexistent daydream.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered, standing up quickly and turning the water off. My feet hit the floor, leaving wet foot prints on the tile as I wrap a towel around myself and go towards my room. It's dark, and my papers from studying are all over the floor. The lights are off, so I stumble over a book and scratch my leg on the corner of my dresser. "Bitch," I muttered, looking at the blood dripping down my leg. The pain. I felt it. The first thing I've felt in hours. I smiled to myself, sick as it was. I was just happy to feel something.
I pulled on clothes and laid down in bed, my mind going blank as the shaking slowly stopped, my skin didn't feel hot anymore, and my leg throbbed happily. I stared at the ceiling, constantly reminding myself to breathe in and out. If I didn't remember to breathe I'd die.
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I had my biology final the next day, and I was surprised how easy it was. Leah was there and she gave me back my notes. I muttered a thank you and ran away, not wanting to panic again. I ran into Mike then, who asked how my exam went. I shrugged and said it went okay, wanting to just get out of there.
I went home after that, and found my mum watching a movie on the couch with Jackson. I guess that now I knew, he would be around a lot more. To say I was thrilled is an understatement. "Oh, Beth," my mum turned from the screen and smiled at me. "How was your exam?"
"Fine," I said, crossing my arms.
"We were just about to order takeout, do you want anything?" Jackson asked.
I shook my head. "No, thank you. I'm not hungry," I said, turning to go upstairs, though I hadn't eaten that day and I felt like I may pass out. My mum caught my arm, and, glancing over her shoulder to make sure Jackson wasn't looking, she frowned at me.
"Beth, please, not now," she said.
"What do you mean?" I blinked.
"Please," she said, her lips forming a tight line.
"What? Are you afraid I'll embarrass you in front of your boyfriend?" I rolled my eyes and shook her off, continuing up the stairs, calling softly behind me. "May as well let him know early I'm bloody mental."
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Flaws || h.s.
Fanfiction"There's a difference between trying to cope and trying to die. Trying to cope is... looking for a way to hold on, to get better, feel better. Trying to cope is plain trying. Trying to die is giving up. Trying to die is your last possible option whe...
