Stuck In Love [Harry Styles]

Chapter 9

Dear Diary,

I have no idea what to write in this journal. It's obviously for Rehab and to feel better. My therapist that works seprately with me told me that I was battling through depression, so I had to right down my feelings. Today was an amazing day. I actually felt feelings! That bubbly feeling you have?

Well, I felt it. It was amazing to not feel numb anymore. I officially was 3 weeks clean. I could jump up and down and hug anyone at the moment. I realized that I hurt myself on the outside to kill the thing on the inside. But the thing was me. My therapist also told me to right about what I feel about this society, this world. Well, what do I think of it? It's horrid.

"It's a wonderful world," They said.

"You'll love your life." they said.

Well, I didn't till now. I now feel happy, like really happy. Harry, he wants me to feel the same way as him but I can't. Love is abstract. It brings nothing but trouble. I don't want to like nor feel anytype of feeling but friends. I have a bad feeling that he's not going to give up. Well, that's Harry for you.

I don't trust anyone anymore. It scares me to trust someone, because if I do then that'll mean I don't have a shield around me. Harry is right, I am a pumpkin. Someone fragile that leaves walls up, so I don't have to face the world. I keep all my emotions inside.

What do I think about Zayn and Sierra being locked away? Well, I don't feel protected at all. I feel a slight bit better than when it was but putting someone bad in jail doesn't keep me away from the rest of this horrid society. Why is the world so cruel?

Why can't everybody be nice but a little mean sometimes? Why do people have to do things against others will? There is so much technology out there and so many things you can do but you decide to force yourself on another.

How am I feeling at the moment? Well, I feel happier. I feel that bubbly feeling where everybodys smiling. I feel happy, it's an unusual feeling for me. I haven't had a nightmare in many days. Claudia and I have been hanging out a lot.

What I know about Claudia:

-She's Dominican

-She's also bisexual and that's the reason why she was bullied.

-She dances

-She has a dog named Cloud

-She works at a jail cell

-She's 23. A tad bit older than me.

-She has a girlfriend named Sage.

-Her mother died of cancer and her father practically disowned her.

-Before she got her apartment, she was forced to live with her brother, the only one whom accepted her.

-She's 2months clean

That's all I really know, Claudia is a really good friend. We talk all the time and text. Also, I met this really cute but weird guy named Ashton at a pizzeria. He goes to my school but I never saw him before. Speaking of school, I go back in 1 week. Everybody knows about me and I hope they don't treat me wrong.

My friendship with Harry is going well. He kissed me a few days back. I honestly don't know how to feel about it. I feel like Rihanna at the moment. Not really sure how to feel about it.. I don't like trusting people. Harry's Mom and Dad aren't getting a divorce anymore.