If I was to simply say to someone "I want to die." Would it expose the true complexity of the events replaying in my mind? The recurring notion that things will get better have once again stopped working and I'm wondering if it's worth the fight any longer. I've noticed that to anyone else I appear fine, to myself I can feel myself distorting into someone I said I wouldn't ever be again... if I even qualified as a somebody at that point. A friendless soul less black hole. A walking, hardly talking ball of nothing. Maybe I was better. Maybe I'll become better. But for now I'm fighting with myself to stop from becoming a creature of hatred and depression. It seems I'm losing.
