Just Surviving (#Clexa)

Love Is Strength

Lexa POV

The sensation of being loved – not just feared, but loved – is one I will remember for the rest of my days. I had people chanting my name as if I were a hero.

And I suppose I am now.

The Ice Queen is gone, and I've avenged Costia. I've avenged Mount Weather's forty-nine, as well. There's no denying that I made the perfect decision in that split second, even though it meant defying the rules of single combat. With one move, I ended the war to come. Even Titus couldn't have given me such good advice.

And the battle... I'd never expected to survive it. I had spent more time planning for my death than training for the fight, just making good on all my promises, ensuring I had nothing to lose. But that all changed when I saw Clarke's face at the arena.

Something about her being there gave me power. Something about the beauty of her face, and the worry in her expression, and the power in her eyes.

Being the Commander means that I must be alone, and I've done my best to accept that since Costia, but something about Clarke makes me want to fight against it. We are so different, and yet our leadership brings us together. Our love for our people makes us the same.

Once, I told her that love is weakness, but it's about time that I take into account how wrong I was. Love is what makes us so strong. Although losing Costia made me scared of it, I've come to realize how much I need it. And how much I want it. Or, more specifically, how much I've wanted Clarke. 

Since I met her for the first time, she never stopped surprising me with her strength and intelligence. I found myself eventually looking to her as a strategist and an advisor, someone who I could undeniably depend on. And I wanted her.

I still do. Nothing has changed.

Being so close to death has allowed me to understand that.

Which is why I find myself walking alone through the hallways tonight before bed, trying to ignore the constant stinging of my wounds. My palm was cut open by Roan's spear, and so was my shoulder, but I otherwise managed to escape any fatal wounds. He was a worthy warrior and will hopefully be just as good a King.

Before Clarke had joined the Coalition, I'd visited her room every night just to talk to her through the door. Afterwards, I'd decided that she at least deserved space after seeing my face every day. Nevertheless, I now know exactly where her room is.

I pause outside, seeing orange light flickering within. So she's awake – having trouble sleeping, I suppose? Is she worrying about her people or worrying about me?

Lifting a hand, I knock lightly on the doorframe.

Clarke's speed at opening the door stuns me, and for a moment I can do nothing but stare at the golden-haired girl. She's wearing the night robes that I had delivered for her, and the emerald green makes her skin glow. It's no secret that Clarke is beautiful – my people have always seen her as the sky princess. But I haven't seen her look like one in a while.

Curtly, I allow her a nod, not really trusting myself to speak. All it took was today's battle for the dynamic between us to change.

Clarke raises an eyebrow, skeptical at my presence. 'Is this 'I told you so'?'

'No,' I reply softly. 'This is 'thank you'.'

She blinks at that, surprised and apparently gratified. 'Come in.'

I can feel her staring at me curiously as I enter, barefoot in my own sleeveless black nightgown, worlds away from the Commander who sits on her throne in full armour. But I'd prefer Clarke to see Lexa tonight; not the Heda.